英语幽默(英文)

I, You and shePeter was a clever boy. On his first day at school, he learned three words: I, YOU and SHE. The teacher taught him how to make sentences with those words. The teacher said, “I, I am your teacher;(then pointing to a girl) she, she is your classmate; you, you are my student.”When Peter went home, his father asked him what he had learned at school. Peter said at once, “I, I am your teacher;(then pointing to his mother)she, she is your classmate;you, you are my student. ”H…     

I Had to Eat the Man

Mary was very fond of television, so when she met a young man who worked for a television company, she was very interested and asked him a lot of questions. She discovered that he had also worked for a film company, so she asked him whether     

底价

There was a man who loved fine art. He loved it so much that he lived for it. It had become his whole life, and had literally engulfed him. He would work really hard to save up some money, just so he could buy another piece of fine art. He would buy Rembrandt's, Picasso's and many others' works of fine art.The man had been widowed some years before but he had a son. As he raised his son, he included him in his hobby of collecting art. As his son grew, he also became a great art collector. His dad was very proud of him.Collecting fine art was something that they both loved to do and it brought them very close together.Some years passed by and their country suddenly engulfed in a war. The son, like so many other young men, enlisted and went off to serve his country. He had been gone for some time, and then it happened.     

所得税官员(英文)

Recently, I was visited by a man who said he was an "assessor", a word which I did not then understand very well. I said I had never heard of his line before, but I was pleased to see him. I asked him to sit down, and he did.I could think of nothing particular to say. So I asked him if he was opening his shop in the neighbourhood.     

水仙花

Early in his childhood, as soon as he was able to speak, he was asked what kind of face he would like to have. They agreed when he said he' d like to have a blue face like his mother, who had hers from being born in the sea. Pith(抽去;杀死) from the claws of a certain bird furnished the dye, which he let the nurse wipe over his brow and cheeks. Soon his face was blue and stayed blue; and although no one said it to him, everyone thought he was a beautiful boy.     

字迹

Zhang could write very quickly and he thought he wasclever.But becuse his handwriting was so untidy all hisfriends laughed at him.One day he wrote a letter and thepaper was full of lines.It looked as if a spider had walkedall over it. He then asked his son to copy out the letter.But the soncould not read what his father had written.He held up theletter and said,“I’m sorry,father,but I can’t read this.What dothese words say?”     

幽默与笑话(英文)

1.A Forgetful ManA man who was tired out went to bed as soon as he reached home.Suddenly it occurred to him that he had intended to do something thatevening.But as he could not remember what it was,he tossed and turnedin his bed for a long time.Finally th…     

A Helpful Postman

Bill,the postman,pushed his bike towardsMrs Green’s house.His work for the day was_1_finished,and now he had only one letterwith him to_2_to Mrs Green.She lived overa mile from the village.Therefore(因此)whenBill had a letter for her,he always finished hisday’s work much later.He didn’t_3_this,however(然而),she always asked him to comein for a cup of tea。     

STORIES

A A famous doctor once attended a little boy who was dangerously ill.Thanks to his skill and care his young patient got well,and soon able to get up and run about again.The child's mother was very grateful,and she called on the doctor to thank him for what he had done for her son. "Doctor," she said,"you have saved my little boy's life.I don't know how to thank you enough.I felt that money alone can't repay you,but I have made this little purse with my own hands and I hope you'll accept it."     

快速阅读(英文)

A father had a family of sons who were perpetually quarreling among themselves. When he failed to heal their disputes by his exhortations,he determined to give them a practical illustration of the evils of disunion;and for this purpose he one day told them to bring him a bundle of sticks. When they had done so, he placed the fagot into the hands of each of them in succession,and ordered them to break it     

圣人与诗人

Last year my father left his hearing aid in the hotel section of my yellow pages and I forgot to send it back to him for about two months, during which tune he kept his hand cupped perpetually around his good ear and shouted, "What's that?" every time he saw someone's mouth moving. Reminds me of a story our preacher told about an old gal who lived in New Hampshire. One day she plucked the hearing aid from her ear and threw it in the trash. "I'm ninety four years old and I've heard enough," she said.     

聪明的小裁缝(英文)

Once upon a time there was a princess who was ever so proud: if any man came to woo her she would set him a riddle, and if he couldn’t guess it he was laughed to scorn and sent packing. She also had it made known that who- ever did guess the answer to he…     

每个女人都美丽

A little boy asked his mother "Whyare you crying? "Because I'm a woman," she toldhim," I don' t understand," he said, His mum Just hugged him and sald, " And you never will."Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.Rinally he put in a call to God;and when     

Everybody Can Do Something

A samurai(武士) who was known for his bravery and honesty,went to visit a monk to ask him for his advice. When the monk had finished his prayers,the samurai asked,"Why do I feel so infedor? I have faced death many times and have defended those who are weak.Nevertheless,upon seeing you,I felt that my life had absolutely no importance."     

完形填空齐齐看

(A) Yesterday evening,when I went to town 1my mother,we met a strange old man. It was raining 2and we had no umbrella.We were trying to3a taxi when he came up to us.He was carrying a nice umbrella and he said that he would give 4for only a pound.He had forgotten his wallet.He said he needed taxi to go back home.My mother didn't believe what he had said at first,and5 him a lot of questions.But she finally believed the man and gave him the pound.She was happy to6 a good umbrella for so little.However,the old man didn't get into a taxi.We walked7 him and found he went into a pub and bought himself a glass of 8with the pound.After he drank it,he 9~his hat and took up one of the many wet umbrellas there and went off with the new one.     

A Dentist

Mr Baker was a strong man. He was a good footballplayer and spent a lot of time on the game when hestudied in a medical callege (医学院). But he was hurtonce when he was playing football with his friends. Hisright leg was broken in the accident and he couldn't playany longer. He was sorry for it and liked to watch thegame. Now the young man worked in a hospital. He was agood dentist (牙医) and many patients asked him forhelp. He was always busy and had little time to watchthe matches. He had to watch them on TV at home in     

伊索寓言:父亲和孩子们

正Father had a family of sons who were perpetually quarrelling among themselves.When he failed to heal their disputes by his exhortations,he determined to give them a practical illustration of the evils of disunion;and for this purpose he one day told them to bring him a bundle of sticks.When they had done so,     

The Sleeping Pills Are for You

Mr Clarke works in a middle school. He 1 maths there. He works hard and is often 2 . He has no children and his wife 3 at home alone. She likes talking but she can＇t talk with 4 when her husband is at school.When he comes back, she talks a lot. Sometimes she 5 him up at midnight and begins to talk to him. It 6 the man not go to sleep for a long time. Mr Clarke 7 it,but he doesn＇t know what to do.     

At the Court

A man had to go to court, and he asked his lawyer which judge would be hearing (审理) the case. His lawyer told him and asked:“Do you know him?”The man answered:“No, but I wanted to know his name so that I could send him a dozen bottles of good wine.”     

Keep Praying!

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for amoment before starting his sermon.One day she asked him why.“Well,Honey,” he began,proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages,“I'm askingthe Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”