Whose Child Is This?

“Whose child is this?”I asked ore daySeeing a little one out at play“Mine,”said the parent with a tender smile“Mine,to keep a little whileTo bathe his hands and comb his hairTo tell him what he is to wearTo prepare him that he may always be goodAnd each day do the things he should”     

Jokes

A Dirtier HandWhen he was a child, Mike did not always obey the rules of school. One day the teacher caught him breaking a rule and asked him to come up to be punished. In that school beating the palm of hand(手掌心）with a ruler was the punishment. Mike蒺s hands were very dirty, so on the way to the teacher蒺s desk, he wiped one of his hands on his coat.The teacher looked at it for a moment and said,“Mike, if you can find a dirtier hand in the class, I shall not punish you.”“Here it is…     

名人轶闻趣事(英文)

Washington Cutthe Trees Washington was the first president of America.When he was a boy,he cut his fathers two cherry trees.His father returned and gotvery angry.He said to himself,“If I found out who cut my trees,I would give him a good beating.”The father looked everywhere.When he asked his son,Washingtonbegan to cry.“I cut your trees!”Washington told the truth.The father carried his son in his arm and said,“My clever child,I would ratherlose one hundred trees than you should tell…     

阅读理解二则(英文)

(A) One day, Mr Black went into a restaurant. He put his coat on achair near the door. There was nothing in the pockets of his coat. Afterhis meal he put on the coat, then he found there was much money in oneof his pockets. He immediately realized that someone else had taken hiscoat away by mistake. “Whose coat is this?”he thought. He saw a waiternear the door, so Mr Black said to him, “Somebody put a lot of money inmy coat. I have no time to wait for him. I have to go. Return it to him,please.”The waiter took the money and went away. A moment later, an-other man came with a coat just like Mr BlackKs. “IKm sorry, ” said theman. “I took your coat and you got mine. Please give me my coat and the     

笑话三则

一More cake, pleaseTom came home from school one day with a black eye. “What happened to you?”asked his mother. “I had a fight with Billy,”Tom said, looking very sad. “Well, tomorrow give him this cake and make friends with him,”said his moth-er.Tom did as she said. But the next day he came home with another black eye! “Not again!”said his mother. “Who did that to you?”“Billy,”said Tom. “He wants more cake.”二Mary was so disgusted at her husband’s cigarette smoking that she …     

幽默二则(英文)

He WAnted Two Balloons The boy's clothing shop was giving away balloons to customers' chil- dren. One little fellow asked if he might have two.“Sorry,”the clerk said, “but we give only one balloon to each child. Do you have a brother at home?” The youngester was always truthful, but he wanted another balloon badly.“No,”he replied regretfully,“but my sister does, and I'd like one for him.”You Are Smarter Now “I want you to give me a pill to make me smarter,”the man told his docto…     

短文改错

A warm-heart nurse on her first day's work met a patient who had come to London like a traveler.She asked him if it was anything she could do for him.But he only waved his hands and said a few words she couldn't understand it. With a pleasant smile she asked him again and he just kept saying same words,but in a very low voice. Filling with pity for this man who had almost died so far away his native land,she rushed to the doctor     

Our Hoe Is Gone

Once upon a time,there lived a farmer.One day the farmer returnedhome from the fields.“I've come back for lunch!”he shouted to his wifeloudly.“Where is our hoe(锄头)?”his wife asked him,seeing there wasnothing in his hand.“I put it in the field.”he said still louder to his wife.     

Thomas Edison

Thomas Edison was a famousAmerican scientist.When he was a child,he liked to find out how things worked.One day when he was five years old,his father found him sitting on the eggs.His father was surprised and asked why hedid so.He said that since a hen co…     

A Humorous Story

An artist has a small daughter.Sometimes he painted women without any clothes on, and he and his wife always tried to keep the small girl out when he was doing this. "She is too young to understand , " they said.But one day, when the artist was painting a woman with no clothes on,     

所得税官员(英文)

Recently, I was visited by a man who said he was an "assessor", a word which I did not then understand very well. I said I had never heard of his line before, but I was pleased to see him. I asked him to sit down, and he did.I could think of nothing particular to say. So I asked him if he was opening his shop in the neighbourhood.     

字迹

Zhang could write very quickly and he thought he wasclever.But becuse his handwriting was so untidy all hisfriends laughed at him.One day he wrote a letter and thepaper was full of lines.It looked as if a spider had walkedall over it. He then asked his son to copy out the letter.But the soncould not read what his father had written.He held up theletter and said,“I’m sorry,father,but I can’t read this.What dothese words say?”     

英语幽默(英文)

I, You and shePeter was a clever boy. On his first day at school, he learned three words: I, YOU and SHE. The teacher taught him how to make sentences with those words. The teacher said, “I, I am your teacher;(then pointing to a girl) she, she is your classmate; you, you are my student.”When Peter went home, his father asked him what he had learned at school. Peter said at once, “I, I am your teacher;(then pointing to his mother)she, she is your classmate;you, you are my student. ”H…     

Have a Ball

Before being sent to prison Carl drove big cars and ate in expensive restaurants. No one knew where he got his money but he was certainly having a ball. When the judge sentenced him.to prison he said, “I hope you have a bail, Carl.” To have a bait is to have a wonderful time.     

每个女人都美丽

A little boy asked his mother "Whyare you crying? "Because I'm a woman," she toldhim," I don' t understand," he said, His mum Just hugged him and sald, " And you never will."Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.Rinally he put in a call to God;and when     

A Kind-hearted Old Man

An old gentleman was walking slowly along a street one day whenhe saw a little boy trying to reach a doorbell,which was too high for him.He was a kind-hearted old man,so he stopped and said,"I will ring thebell for you." And then he pulled the bell so hard that it could be heard allover the house.     

The Ass and His Purchaser

A MAN wished to purchase an Ass,and agreed with its owner that he should try out the animal before he bought him.He took the Ass home and put him in the straw-yard with his other Asses,upon which the new animal left all the others and at once joined the one that was most idle and the greatest eater of them all.Seeing this,the man put a halter on him and led him back to his owner.On being asked how,in so short a time,he could have made a trial of him,he answered,“I do not need a trial;I kno…     

伐木匠(英文)

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe(斧头) fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter told Him that his axe has fallen into water. God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" God asked. The woodcutter said,     

已全部偿付

Our little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper,and handed her a piece of paper that, he had been writing on.After his mun dried her hands on an apron,she read it,and this is what it said:     

受表扬还是受批评?(英文)

A young woman carrying a three- year- old child got on a bus. The conductor hurriedto give her a warm welcome and then kindly asked the other passengers to make moreroom for the woman and her child. On seeing this, people began to talk.“You know this conductor used to be very rude. Now suddenly he has changed hisbad attitude ( 态度),”said a middle- aged man.“Yes, he should be praised and we must write a letter to the company,”said the secondpassenger.“That’s right,”another lady said,“…