HUMOROUS STORIES

Old Mr Black loved hunting and he often went with his friends to the forest to shoot bears. But his eyes were not good and several times he nearly shot people instead of bearsi His friends were always very careful when they went out shooting with him.     

On Shooting

Peter joined the army when he was eighteen. And for several months his officer taught him how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting. One day he and his friends were practising their shooting and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer was very angry and said, "You're quite hopeless, Peter! Don't waste your last bullet(子弹) too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with i…     

阅读理解二则(英文)

(A) One day, Mr Black went into a restaurant. He put his coat on achair near the door. There was nothing in the pockets of his coat. Afterhis meal he put on the coat, then he found there was much money in oneof his pockets. He immediately realized that someone else had taken hiscoat away by mistake. “Whose coat is this?”he thought. He saw a waiternear the door, so Mr Black said to him, “Somebody put a lot of money inmy coat. I have no time to wait for him. I have to go. Return it to him,please.”The waiter took the money and went away. A moment later, an-other man came with a coat just like Mr BlackKs. “IKm sorry, ” said theman. “I took your coat and you got mine. Please give me my coat and the     

新床

A man called Zhang bought a new bed.He paid a lot of moneyfor it and he wanted to show it to all his friends.But he did notknow how to show it to all his friends.Then,one day,he thought of away.He told everyone that he was ill and he stayed in bed.In awhile.his friends came to visit him.They all went into his bedroom.One of them,a man called Wu,had just bought some new shoes andhe was very proud of them.Sitting next to Zhang’s bed,he lifted uphis feet and put his shoes on top of the bed so that Zhang could seethem.After a few minutes of nobody saying anything,Wu said,“Well,what’s wrong with you?”     

短文改错5题

一 One of Nasreddin' s friends loved money very much, and never gave something to anybody. Soon he became very rich. One day he walking near the river while he slipped and fell in. His friends ran to help him, and one of them knelt on the ground, holding out his hand and said, "Give me your hand, and I will push you out ! " The rich man' s head went down the water and then went up again, but he did not take his friend his hand. Again other of his friends tried, but again the different thing …     

FUNNY STORIES

A One morning Wood left his house with six donkeys (驴) for the market.After a time,he got tired and got on to one of them.He counted the donkeys,and there were only five,so he got off and looked for the sixth.However,he did not find it,so he went back to the donkeys and counted them again.This time there were six,so he got on to one of them again and went on forward.     

Two Foolish Men(初二适用)

Once there was a very foolish man.One day he put a bag of rice onthe back of his horse and went to town to sell it.The horse ran fast andhe could not catch up with it,so he got on the back of the horse.Soon thehorse began to go very slowly.     

Jokes

A Dirtier HandWhen he was a child, Mike did not always obey the rules of school. One day the teacher caught him breaking a rule and asked him to come up to be punished. In that school beating the palm of hand(手掌心）with a ruler was the punishment. Mike蒺s hands were very dirty, so on the way to the teacher蒺s desk, he wiped one of his hands on his coat.The teacher looked at it for a moment and said,“Mike, if you can find a dirtier hand in the class, I shall not punish you.”“Here it is…     

阅读理解训I练（六）篇

（A） A very new, young officer was at a station. He was on his way to visit his mother in another town, and he wanted to telephone her to tell her the time of this train, so that she could meet him at the station in her car. He looks in all his pockets, but found that he did not have the right money for the telephone, so he went outside and looked around for someone to held him.     

底价

There was a man who loved fine art. He loved it so much that he lived for it. It had become his whole life, and had literally engulfed him. He would work really hard to save up some money, just so he could buy another piece of fine art. He would buy Rembrandt's, Picasso's and many others' works of fine art.The man had been widowed some years before but he had a son. As he raised his son, he included him in his hobby of collecting art. As his son grew, he also became a great art collector. His dad was very proud of him.Collecting fine art was something that they both loved to do and it brought them very close together.Some years passed by and their country suddenly engulfed in a war. The son, like so many other young men, enlisted and went off to serve his country. He had been gone for some time, and then it happened.     

They Don''''t Talk

Mr.Jones was very angry with his wife,and she was very angry with herhusband.For several days they did not speak to each other at all.One eveningMr.Jones was very tired when he came back from work,so he went to bed soonafter dinner.Of course,he did not say anything to Mrs.Jones.before he wentupstairs.Mrs.Jones washed the dinner things and then did some sewing.Whenshe went up to bed much later then her husband,she found a piece of paper on     

HUMOROUS STORIES

Mr and Mrs Brown lived in a small house with their child. Sometimes Mr Brown came back from work very late,when his wife and the child were asleep,he opened the front door of his house with his key and came in very quietly. But one night when he was coming home late,he lost his key,so when he reached his house,he rang the bell. Nothing happened. He rang it again,and nothing happened-nobody moved inside the house. Mr Brown knocked at the bedroom window,he spoke to his wife,he shout- ed,but she did not wake up. At last,he stopped and thought for a few     

阅读练习两篇<英>

Answer the questions in complete sentences after each passage.Passage 1 Mr Robinson won a lot of money on the football pools, but he didnot know what the best thing to do with it would be, so he went to a friendwho knew a lot about money matters. His friend said to him, "Go and buy some modern paintings. Theirvalue goes up every year."     

STORIES

Bruce got on the bus early in the morning. He was going to the next town to visit one of his friends. He had got up very early, and he felt tired. Soon he fell asleep. A short while later, he woke up in the middle of a dream. In his dream, he was in a busy street. People were pushing him hard and pulling at his clothes. As he woke up, he found that it wasn＇t only a dream.Somebody was really pulling at his coat pocket.     

HUMOUR

Father's ThingsWhen Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr Howard's clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.Mr Howard did not like this,and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.     

钥匙还是接吻

A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said,"Give me the keys."The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both     

A Boy with Long Hair

Henry, is a fifteen-year-old boy. He(?) in a middle school. He often watches TV and likes the(?) hair style(样式). His parents and teachers tell him not to do so, but he doesn't(?) them. One Sunday afternoon his mother(?) a beautiful shirt for him and he loved it very much.     

To Win Fniendohip

This evening my younger brother came home with a sad look.After Isked him the reason again and again,he told me why.He likes pingpongall,but he’s not good at it. So this afternoon his friends went to play     

An E-mail Sent By Mistake

Mr. White left the snow-covered streets of New York for a vacation in Florida.His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When Mr. White arrived at his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick E-mail.But he couldn't find the piece of paper on which he had written her E-mail address.He tried his best to recall it.At last he typed it