幽默三则(英文)

Dumb and Dumber On vacation in Hawaii,my step-mom,Sandy,called a cafe to makereservations for7pm.Checking her book,the cheery young hostess said,“I'm sorry,all we have is6:45.Would you like that?”“That's fine,”Sandy said.“Okay,”the woman confirmed.Then she added,“Just be advisedyou may have to wait15minutes for your table.”My Widowed GrandmotherWidowed for the second time,my grandmother told me she probablywould not remarry.“You're still young,”I said.“Why not?”“When I marr…     

幽默三则(英文)

Sleeping PillsBob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the…     

幽默三则(英文)

Looking for a W ifeFred was 32years old and he was still single.O ne day a friend asked,"W hy don tyou get m arried?Can tyou finda wom an w ho will be a good wife?"Fred replied,"A ctually,Ive found m any wom en I w anted to m arry,butw hen I bring them ho…     

幽默三则(英文)

一、AreYouGoingtoDance?Everybodywasdancingwhileayounggirlsataloneinanarmchair.Justthen,shewashappytoseeahandsomeyoungmancomingtowardsher.“Areyougoingtodance?”askedthemanwithasmile.“Yes,”shewhispered.“Good,”hesaid,“mayIhaveyourseatthen?”二、ANewSonOldman:MayIsithere?Youngman:No,youcant.Theseatisoccupied.Youngman(toabeautifulgirl):Eh...yes.Theseatwasforher.Sheismysister.Oldman:Really?ThenIamgladtoseeyou,mynewson.Youngman:Whatdoyoumean?Oldman:Thegirlismydaughter.三、WeCantSeeL…     

幽默三则(英文)

Bedtime PrayersJulie was saying her bedtim e prayers.“Please G od,”she said,“M ake N aples the capital of Italy.M ake N aples the capital of Italy.”H er m other interrupted and said,“Julie,w hy do you want G od tom ake N aples the capitalofItaly?”A nd Julie replied,“Because thats w hatIputin m y geography paper!”Jesus s T V SetchoolardenfnghA child on C hristm as tim e asked for som e paper and crayons inorder to draw a crib(耶稣诞生像).Eventually the artistic m asterpiecewas …     

幽默三则(英文)

1.An Early ShopperIt was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as hequestioned the prisoner.“What are you charged with?”he asked.“Doing my Christmas shopping early,”replied the defendant.“That7s no offense,”replied the judge,“How early w     

幽默三则(英文)

So Soon "Mummy, when is my birthday?" "On June 15." "What about yours?" "On June 10. "     

幽默三则(英文)

Passage 1A pregnant woman, accompanied by herhusband, went to see the doctor."Madam, exercise would be good for you," announced the doctor. "Walking is especially beneficial. Sir, it wouldn't hurt you to spend some time to take a walk with your wife!"Oh," said the father-to-be. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"     

幽默六则(英文)

1.Doctor:Pleaseopenyourmouth,madam.Lady:Thankyouverymuch,doctor.Doctor:Whydoyouthankme?Lady:Becausemyhusbandalwaysaskedmetoshutup.2.Ateacheraskedoneofhisstudents,“Whatisthelongestandwhatistheshortest?”Thestudentansweredimmediately,“Thelastseveralminutesofaclassisthelongest,whilethelastseveralminutesofanexamistheshortest.”3.TheteacheraskedTom,“Whydidyoucometoschoolsolatethismorning?”“Someonelostoneyuan,”answeredTom.“Oh,nowIknow.Youhelpedhimfindthemoney,”theteachersaid.“No,Isto…     

校园幽默(三则)

(一)妙答语文老师正在讲朱自清的散文《荷塘月色》,见小明趴在课桌上打盹,便生气地问:“你在做什么?”小明眼珠一转,说:“我正在理解课文中的一句话。”“哪一句?”“就是那句‘酣眠固不可少,小睡也别有风味’。”     

短文三则(英文)

A These days many people start their day by going into the bathroom to wash. They turn on a faucet and hot water runs into the sink. They pick up a bar of soap and wash their hands and face. They take a towel to dry themselves. Then they put toothpaste on their toothbrush in order to brush their teeth.     

短文三则(英文)

A Jack is 12 years old and he studies in a middle school.He likes to tell his father,Mr Green,everything about his school life.Now Jack jumps onto bed.Mr Green is sitting beside him."What kind of day did you have today?"Mr Green asks."It was a bad day for me,"Jack answers."I had a fight with Tom.The teacher told you     

短文三则(英文)

A We must go to bed early and get up early in the morning.If we do so,we shall be healthy.Is this true Perhaps it is.The body must have enough sleep.Children of your age need nine hours’sleep every night.If you don’t go to bed early,you can’t work well.     

短文三则(英文)

A How much attention do you pay to what you put in your body,in other words,food?As we get older,we start to think about this more and more.Maybe you have started making more of your own eating choices or even preparing your own     

短文三则(英文)

A It is a Saturday morning, my mother, my sister and I go to a park. At the ticket counter(售票处),mother asks the ticket woman,"How much can we get in ?" The woman answers,"Three dollars for adults(成人) or children older than six (超过六岁的孩子). If children are     

笑话三则(英文)

ItsNotThatJohn:MayIborrowyourrecordplayertonight?Tom:Sure.Doyouwanttolistentosomemusic?Joahn:No.TonightIwanttohavesomepeacetokeepquiet.A“Hero”Mike:Whydidyoujumpintotherivertosavethatboy?Hero:Ihadtodoso,becausehewaswearingmycoat.ItWorksWellOnebusinessmanaskedhisfriend,“Isyouradvertisinggettingresult?”ure,”repliedhisfriend.“Lastweekweadvertisedforanightwatchman.Thenextnightwewererobbed(偷盗).”笑话三则(英文)!山东@于莹…     

短文三则(英文)

A Tom is a lazy boy. He is not good at his studies at school. His mother is very worried about him.This day, Tom comes home from school. His mother says to him, "Give me your exercise book. Let me have a look.""Yes, mum."Tom passes his exercise book     

短文三则(英文)

AIn Peru(秘鲁),one researcher was very surprised to find that there were 43 species(种类)of ants living on one big tree.A single ant group can have over 5 million busy members.There are soldiers and workers,males and the queen in it.A queen’s job is to lay eggs—may lay 100 million eggs a day!Al-