笑话一则(英文)

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said:"If you kiss me,I'll turninto a beautiful princess."He bent over,picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said:"If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess,I willtell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero."The man took the frog out of hispocket,smiled at it,and returned it to his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said,"If you kiss me and turn me back i…     

五粒豌豆的故事

The shell burst,and the five peas rolled out into the bright sunshine.There they lay in a child's hand.The little boy said they were fine peas for his pea-shooter.And immediately he put one in and shot it out."Now I am flying out into the wide world," said the pea, "Catch me if you can," and he was gone in a moment."I," said the second, "want to fly straight to the sun." And went away."We will go to sleep wherever we find ourselves," said the two next, "We shall still be rolling onwards," They felt on the floor,and roll about before they go into the pea-shooter;but they were put in it. "We shall go farther than the others," said they."What is to happen will happen," said the last,as he was shot out of the pea-shooter;and as he spoke he flew up against an old board under a window of an old house,and fell into a little crevice.The moss closed round him,and there he lay.     

Funny Stories

"You are the first one !" One day,a man saw fisherman standing beside a lake with a mirror. "Excuse me,"he said."Could you tell me what are you doing?" "I'm fishing." "Fishing with a mirror?" the man asked. "Sure,it's my new interest," answered the fisherman. "Could you tell me how it works?" "Okay,but you will give me a hundred dollars." The man wanted to know the answer,so he gave the fisherman the money.The fisherman said,"First you aim (对准目标,瞄准) the mirror into the water,and when a fish goes by,you let the ray (光线) of the sun on its head.The fish is puzzled (感到迷惑不解) and then you catch it."     

英语幽默故事集锦(英文)

1.That Man Knows the Future With a saw,Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden when a man passed by.The man stopped and said,"Excuse me,but if you continue to saw that branch like that,you will fall to the ground with it."He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting     

Learning To Crawl

A first-year teacher discovers that inspiration can dangle from the ceiling. My father once said, "The more you think you know, the less you know." I imagine he was trying to give me a little warning before sending me out into the cold world; he saw my self-assurance as a neon "kick me" sign, and he didn't want to leave me entirely unprepared. I said I agreed with him, but it was still easy to mock the misguided     

幽默两则

I .Good News and Bad NewsA football fan asked God, "Is there a football field in Heaven?"God thought it over for a moment and said, "I'll tell you tomorrow."The next day God said to the football fan, "Half of the news is good while another half is bad."Football fan:Please tell me the good news at first.God:There is a first-class football field in Heaven.Football fan: What about the bad news?God:There will be a football match tomorrow morning. You are on court at first.     

完形填空四则(英文)

AOne day a lawyer's wife fell i1and he went to get a doctor. The doctor went to see the woman, but before he went into the house he stopped. He knew that the lawyer never paid his b2. So he said to the lawyer, "But if I c3 your wife, I'm afraid you may not pay me."Sir," replied the lawyer," Here!have 500 dollars. Whether you cure my wife or whether you kill her,I will give you all t 4"The doctor was s5of the payment and went into the house. When he reached the woman's bedside,he knew at …     

STORIES ABOUT ANIMALS

A mouse and a lionOne day a mouse went out to find something to eat.He ran carelessly through some tall grass.He ran into a big lion.The lion caught him,held him tightly(紧紧地)and would not let him go."Please let me go,Mr Lion,"said the mouse."One day I will help you." The lion laughed and thought,how a little mouse could help a big lion!Then he said,"Very well,I will let you go.But you must walk more carefully." "Thank you,"the mouse said."You are very kind." The next week the mouse was again looking for something to eat.He saw the lion had fallen into a net of strong ropes.He could not move.The mouse cut one of the ropes with his teeth and then the other.Soon the     

Playing a Game

Bored during a long flight, a famous scholar leaned over and woke up the sleeping man next to him to ask if he would like to play a game. "I'll ask you a question," the scholar explained, "and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $ 5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50."When the man agreed to play, the scholar asked, "What's the dis'tance from the earth to the moon?" Flummoxed(使惶惑地), the man handed him $5. "Ha!" said the scholar. "It's 238, 8…     

高二下学期阅读一刻钟考验(英文)

请用一刻钟的时间完成下面四篇阅读理解。A A young lady who was on holiday in Brighton went into a bank to collect some money which had been sent there for her from the town in which she lived. The clerk in the Brighton bank did not know her, so he said, "What proof have you got that you are really the lady who should collect this money?" The young lady looked worried for a few moments and said , " I don't think I've brought any proof with me." But then she suddenly looked happy again, she opened her bag, took a photograph of herself out of it and showed it to the clerk. "Here's something." she said. The clerk looked at the photograph carefully and then looked at the young lady. "Yes, that's you," he said, and paid the money to her without any more trouble. 1. The young lady came to Brighton to____. A. work in a bank B. collect money     

Jokes and Humour

Good IntentionsOne day a boy came to his teacher and said: "Teacher, Pa wants to know if you like roast pig."I certainly do," said the teacher, "and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me."Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.Finally the teacher said to the boy: "I     

寓言（英文）

正The Duck and the Crane The Crane(鹤)invited theDuck to tea."So nice of youto ask me to come,"said the Duckto the Crane."No one invites me anywhere.""Entirely my pleasure,"said the Crane to the Duck,passing him a sugar bowl."Do you takesugar in your tea?""Yes,thank you,"said theDuck.He dumped(倒)half the into his cup,while spilling(撒出)the other half onthe floor.     

《创世纪》遗失的一章(英文)

So God asked Adam,"What is wrong with you?"Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.He said,"This person will gather food for you,cook for you,and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you.She will always agree with     

短文改错强化训练四篇(英文)

1An old lady went shop last Wednesday. She came to a bank and saw a car near the door. The man got out and went into the bank. She saw into the car. The keys were on the lock. The old lady took the keys and following the man into the bank. The man took a gun out of the pocket and said to the clerk. "Give me all money!"And the old lady did not see this. She went out to the man, put the keys in his hand and said,"Young man,you' re stupid! Never you leave your keys in your car:some is going t…     

糟糕的一天(英文)

"Listen," I said slapping my hand down on the desk in front of me. "I really need that book today. The computer says you still have it. The essay is due in tomorrow; please could you tell me where it is?" I had been in the library since about noon. The shadows were beginning to lengthen and my patience beginning to run out as the librarian stared up at me with all the sentient comprehension of a lobotomised teletubby.So I explained again that I very m uch needed this bookand that it w as not…     

阅读特训营

The Dog Nobody Owned 1 The setter first came to Jack Barlow's door soon after he moved into the little village.Barlow wondered if the dog would be any good on grouse. "Who owns the big setter?"he asked Gibney, the hotel manager. 2 "Nobody,"Gibney said, "and nobody ever will.But if I were you,I'd leave it alone."His answer puzzled Barlow.     

当计算机失灵

The most frightening words in the English language are,"Our computer is down."You hear it more and more when you are on business.The other day I was at the airport waiting for a ticket to Washington and the girl in the ticket office said,"I’m sorry,I can’t sell you a ticket.Our computer is down.""If your computer is down,just write me out a ticket.""I can’t write you out a ticket.The computer is the only one allowed to     

教你正确用(五)

When Order IS and Isn’t an Order Order的多咱含义The other day I went to see my doctor for a physical check-up.He said to me, "Our first order of business today is to get you a full blood test. "What the doctor said interested me.Of course it was not the blood test he was ordering for me that interested me;what interested me was the word "order".     

伐木匠(英文)

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe(斧头) fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter told Him that his axe has fallen into water. God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" God asked. The woodcutter said,     

运动场上乐翻天

1.Two baseball pitchers[投手] promised each other.If one of them died first,he would come back as a ghost to tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. Then one of them died and came back as a ghost and said,"I have some good news and some bad news." The other person said,"Tell me." So the ghost said,"The good news is that there is baseball in heaven,but the bad news is that you are pitching tomorrow."