Imitation

A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach.“Well,sit down and have a drink,”said his mother,“Your stomach's hurting because it's empty.It'll be all right when you've got something in it.”ShortlyafterwardsDadcameinfromtheoffice,complainingofaheadache.“That蒺sbecauseit蒺sempty,”saidhisbrightson,“You蒺dbeallrightifyouhavesomethinginit.”(山东刘丽)Imitation!山东@刘丽…     

初中英语阅读专项训练

The Lost Ring One day a man went home to his wife and said,"I have bought something for you.""Oh,thank you"said his wife."What have you bought?""I've bought a gold ring.Here it is."He held it out for his wife to see.Then he     

幽默三则

I.You Will Save Much More "You'll be pleased with me today, mother, "Dick said to his mother, coming home from school. "I saved on fares.I didn't go to school by bus, I ran all the way after it."Well,"said his mother laughing,"Next time you should run after a taxi,you will save much more."     

幽默四则

I.Three Deaf MenThree rather deaf old friends met one day in the street."Windy, isn't it?"said one."No, it's Thursday,"said the second."So am I,"said the third. "Let's go and have a cup of tea."     

BABY SISTER

A boy had to take care of his baby sister because his parents went shopping. He decided to go fishing so he took her with him. "I'll never do that again! " he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."     

幽默三则(英文)

Passage 1A pregnant woman, accompanied by herhusband, went to see the doctor."Madam, exercise would be good for you," announced the doctor. "Walking is especially beneficial. Sir, it wouldn't hurt you to spend some time to take a walk with your wife!"Oh," said the father-to-be. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"     

How foolish you are!

Christmas was coming. Mr Smith had no money to buy any presents for his children. His wife was ill and he spent a lot of money on her medicine. And the harvest was bad and all his family were going to be hungry the next spring. He was quite worried about it."We had only a cock,"said Mrs Smith one day. "You'd better take it to the town. Sell it there and buy some cakes and sweets for our children."     

放轻松(英文)

Little Problems Our school had just installed a new airconditioning system,and a representative from the company wanted to make sure it was running smoothly.Poking his head into an empty classroom,he asked the teacher,"Any little problems here?" "No," she said,smiling."All our little problems have gone home."     

At the Beach

Sam and Jesse went to the beach* with Papa*. When Jesse was in the sea,something grabbed(抓住) his toe(脚趾)! Was it a shark*? Oh, no!"Iam going to the beach."Papa said,"Who wants to come?"     

Charles Makes a Complete Apology

One evening a young man at Oxford who was known to be something of a poet read one of his poems to a small group of friends in his room. The poem was greatly admired, but as they came away one of the friends, Charles, said, "I was very much interested in Alfred's poem-but it was stolen from a book."This remark was repeated to Alfred, who was very annoyed and demanded an apology. “Well,”said Charles,“I don't of ten take back what I have said,but on this occasion I admit I was mistaken…     

英语幽默

Lady First A teacher asked her class:"Is the sen- tence'The ox and the cow are in the fields'correct?" Most of the children said:"Yes,it is all right!" And only one little boy said:"No,it is not correct.The lady must be mentioned first."     

五粒豌豆的故事

The shell burst,and the five peas rolled out into the bright sunshine.There they lay in a child's hand.The little boy said they were fine peas for his pea-shooter.And immediately he put one in and shot it out."Now I am flying out into the wide world," said the pea, "Catch me if you can," and he was gone in a moment."I," said the second, "want to fly straight to the sun." And went away."We will go to sleep wherever we find ourselves," said the two next, "We shall still be rolling onwards," They felt on the floor,and roll about before they go into the pea-shooter;but they were put in it. "We shall go farther than the others," said they."What is to happen will happen," said the last,as he was shot out of the pea-shooter;and as he spoke he flew up against an old board under a window of an old house,and fell into a little crevice.The moss closed round him,and there he lay.     

HUMOUR AND JOKES

A Once upon a time, there was a man who wanted to steal a neighbour's doorbell. But he clearly understood that while his hand touched the bell, it would ring and something terrible would happen to him. The ringing could be heard by others. So he covered his ears with something, thinking that everything would be all right and that he could get the doorbell without any trouble. But what happened was that he was caught on the spot for stealing the doorbell of his neighbour.     

英语幽默故事集锦(英文)

1.That Man Knows the Future With a saw,Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden when a man passed by.The man stopped and said,"Excuse me,but if you continue to saw that branch like that,you will fall to the ground with it."He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting     

成功

Stand a chance （of doing something）有希望;有可能 To have an opportunity to do/be something; to be in a good position to do/be something. ＂If we do everything we said we＇d do, I think we stand a good chance of succeeding.＂Be right up there with somebody or something 与……一样（好） To be as good/famous/beautiful, etc as someone else. ＂Three months ago no one had heard of Marlene Saunders, but right now she＇s up there with all the other top models.＂     

查尔斯巧致歉意(英文)

One evening a young man at Oxford who was known to be something of a poet read one of his poems to a small group of friends in his room . The poem was greatly admired. But as they came away one of the friends,Charles,said“,I was very much interes-ted in Alfred"s poem — but it was stolen from a book.”This remark was repeated to Alfred,whowas very annoyed and dem anded an apology.“W ell,”said Charles,“I don#t often takeback what I have said,but on this occasionI adm it I have m ade a m…     

非常可乐

Counting The Pigs One day a farmer, who had twenty pigs, sent his son to count them and see if they were all there. After a while, the boy came back slowly. "Well,"said his father,"are they all right?"     

孔融让梨

A long time ago,there was a boy called Kong Rong.He was loved by all the members of the family because he was clever and polite to everyone.One day,his father bought some pears and put some on the table in a plate.He asked all his children to come around the table and said,"Here are some pears. Each of you can have one,any one you like."     

阅读理解

The whole village soon learned a lot of money hadbeen stolen.Sam had lost his wallet(钱包)while takinghis money to the post office.Sam was sure that the walletmust have been found by one of the villagers,but it wasnot returned to him.Three months passed,and then onemorning,Sam found his wallet outside his front door,in itwas half the Money he had lost,together with a note,which said,"A thief,yes,but only 50% a thief!"Twomonths later,some more money was sent to Sam with an-other note,"Only 25% a thief now."In no time all Sam'smoney was paid back in this way.The last note said,"I'm100% honest(诚实的)now!"     

青蛙

"Hey,can I ask you something? Why do human children 1)dissect us?" "It's part of their education.They cut open our bodies in school and write reports about their findings." "Huh.Well,I guess it could be worse,right? I mean,at least we're not dying 2)in vain." "How do you 3)figure?" "Well,our deaths are furthering the spread of knowledge.It's a huge 4)sacrifice we're making,but at least some good comes out of it." "Let me show you something."