英语幽默故事选萃(英文)

1. The Notes An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could     

幽默集锦(英文)

NothingLowerBobdislikesstudyingandheoftenplaystruant.Oncehegotazeroinanexamination.Hethoughtitunfairandwenttotheteacher.“ButIdontthinkIdeservethiszeroformypaper,”saidBob.“NeitherdoI,”saidtheteacher,“butitsthelowestmarkIcangive.”AChanceAthiefwascaughtandanoldmansaidtohim,“Youarestillyoung,boy.Youdbettergotothepolicestation,andthenyoumayhaveachance.”“Ivebeentheremanytimes,”saidthethief,“buttherewerealwayssomanypolicementhatIneverhadachancetolaymyhandonany-thing.”幽默集锦(英文)$…     

幽默集锦(英文)

TomsID（身份证）WhenTomwas１９yearsold，hewenttoabarwithanolderfriend．TheguyatthedooraskedforhisID．Hegavehimthedriverslicense，whichofcoursehadhisdateofbirthprintedonit．Theguylookedatitandsaid，“Youhavetobe２１ifyougetinhere．”“ButthatIDisafewyearsold，”Tomreplied．Theguylookedatitagainforamoment，thensaid，“OK，OK”andlethimin．AParrotsAnswerAboygoestoapetshoptobuyaparrot．Thereheseesaparrotwitharedstringtiedtoitsleftlegandagreenstringtiedtoitsrightleg．Heaskstheownerthesigni…     

幽默集锦(英文)

Broken Engagement The soldier serving overseas, far from hom e was annoyed and upsetwhen his girl friend wrote breaking off their engagem ent and asking forher photograph back.H e w ent out and collected from his friends all the unwanted pho-tographs ofw …     

幽默故事(英文)

(A) Nasreddin had a shed (棚屋) behind his house. It had no lights in it. One night he went out to the shed to get his ladder, and lost his ring there. He left the ladder, went out into the street and began to look around.     

幽默故事(英文)

At age of 83, Granddad went to the hospital for the first time. "What’s this? " he asked as he held up the bell cord (绳) that had been fastened (拴)to his pillow (枕头) .     

英语幽默(英文)

I, You and shePeter was a clever boy. On his first day at school, he learned three words: I, YOU and SHE. The teacher taught him how to make sentences with those words. The teacher said, “I, I am your teacher;(then pointing to a girl) she, she is your classmate; you, you are my student.”When Peter went home, his father asked him what he had learned at school. Peter said at once, “I, I am your teacher;(then pointing to his mother)she, she is your classmate;you, you are my student. ”H…     

幽默故事精选(英文)

1. An Abstract DrawingOne day in a drawing class, the teacher told the class to draw anabstract(抽象的) drawing.     

幽默故事二则(英文)

老鹰和小鸡的故事一天,一个农夫在他的农田里发现了一只受伤的鹰。农夫一时不知所措,便把鹰带回了家,并且把它和自己养的小鸡放在了一起以确保鹰不受伤害。农夫把鹰和小鸡养在一起后,还每天给鹰喂食物,他精心照看受了伤的老鹰很长一段时间,直到老鹰的伤口开始慢慢地愈合。     

英语小幽默(英文)

we just go off route 119 Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speedingdrivers.a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22MPH.He thinks to himself,“This driver is just as dangerous asa speeder!”So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.     

英语小幽默(英文)

(一) In Chinese class, the headteacher said to the whole class, "Remember, everybody! Rome could't have been founded within one day! " Certainly his words are quite reasonable. That's to say, all the students should study harder. However, what is interesting is that the next class is a history lesson. By the middle of     

英语小幽默(英文)

Math,Physics,& PhilosophyDean,to the physics department.”Why do I always haveto give you guys so much money.for laboratories and expen-sive equipment and stuff.Why couldn’t you be like the mathdepartment-all they need is money for pencils,paper andwaste-paper baskets.or even better.like the philosophy de-partment.All they need are pencils and paper.”     

英语小幽默(英文)

Boss’s idea When my printer’s type began to go faint,I called a repair shopwhere a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only tobe cleaned.Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such clean-ings,he told me,it would be better for me to read the printer’s di-rections and try the job myself.Pleasantly surprised by his words,Iasked.”Does your boss know that you discou rage business?””Actually it’s my boss’s idea,”the employee replied”Weusually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repairthings themselves first.”     

英语文字幽默(英文)

Fine for ParkingTell me again,asked the judge, why you parked there.Thedriver rose and answered respectfully(尊敬地), Because, Your Honor, it     

英语小幽默(英文)

-,HalftheTimeAmotherwastalkingtoherlittleboy熏“Now熏Billy熏youshouldn’tbeselfwithyourtoys.I’vetoldyoutoletyouryoungerbrotherplaywiththemhalfthetime.”“That’swhatI’vebeendoing熏”saidBilly,“Itakethesleddoingdownhill熏andhetakesitgoingup.”玩一半时间一位母亲对她的孩子说:“听着,比利,你在使用玩具上不应该那样自私。我已经跟你说过要让弟弟玩一半时间。”“我一直就是这样做的呀,”比利说,“我把雪橇滑下去,然后他再拿上来。”YouCan’tFlyTeacher押Ihearyouliveclosetotheriverbutyouneverlearnedtoswim.…     

幽默(英文)

Taking a Taxi The old lady was going to take a taxi."Driver," she said, "I want you to take me to the station.""Yes, madam," said the driver.     

幽默(英文)

Ike：Myroofleaks．Mike：Whydontyoufixit？Ike：Canttoday，itspouringdownrain．Mike：Whydontyoufixitwhenitstopsraining？Ike：Becauseitdoesntleakthen．幽默(英文)@连琴     

幽默(英文)

Spend All Mr Black gave his wife money every Friday evening, but she always spent it before the next Wednesday, so that for the next three days she had none. Every Tuesday evening Mr Black asked her,     

英语幽默中的语用学分析(英文)

幽默是人类特有的一种语言现象,是值得探索研究的一个问题。幽默的产生有多种原因,讨论的是其中一项重要因素,语用学在英语幽默中的运用。分别从五个方面分析了语用原则与幽默的密切联系:会话交际、会话含义、指示、前提、言语行为。通过运用著名语言学家(如格莱斯、奥斯丁、索绪尔等)的理论原则分析英语幽默,归纳出不同的语用运则的遵循或违反都可以导出幽默效果,如不明指示、错误前提、言语行为缺失等。