Humour and Jokes

I'll Change My Name At the age of 16, Edely decided to leave home and join a theater company. His father was appalled. A son of mine on the stage? It's a disgrace! he wailed. What if the neighbors find out?     

Jokes and Humour

WatchingTVSon:Daddy,IwanttowatchTV.Dad:Noelectricitytonight.Son:Thenlet’swatchTVwithacandleon.看电视儿子:爸爸,我想看电视。爸爸:今晚上没电。儿子:那咱们点上蜡烛看电视吧。ClockApassengerinarailwaystationcomplainstoaporter,“Therearetwoclocksinthissta-tionandtheytelldiffer-enttimes.”Andtheporterreplies,“Whshouldwehavetwclocksiftheytellthsametime?”时差在火车站,一位乘客向行李员抱怨道:“这个车站的两个钟报时不一样。”行李员回答说,“要是报时一样,我们要两个钟干什么?” LocalProblemAcowbo…     

Jokes and Humour

CoughPatient押Doctor熏I’vehadabadcough.Doctor押Howoldareyou芽Patient押I’mseventy-eight.Doctor押Didyoucoughinyourtwenties芽Patient押No.Doctor押Didyoucoughinyourforties芽Patient押No.Doctor押Ifyoustilldon’tcoughnow熏whenwillyoucough芽咳嗽患者:大夫,我咳嗽得很厉害。医生:你多大年纪了?患者:我78岁了。医生:你20多岁的时候咳嗽过吗?患者:没有。医生:40多岁时呢?患者:也没有。医生:那你现在再不咳嗽,什么时候咳嗽呢?BeefandFishTom押IhavebeeneatingbeefallmylifeandnowI’mjustasstrongasanox.Jim押That’sfunny.I’vebeeneatingfishallmylifebutstillIcan’tswim选牛肉和鱼汤姆:我经常吃牛肉,所以现在我像牛一样强壮。吉姆:太有意思了。我一辈子吃鱼,可我至今还不会游泳。4-4=?Oneday熏thet...     

Jokes and Humour

约翰跟母亲住在一幢大房子里。母亲去世后，他一个人住房子太大了，于是就在紧邻的一条街上买了一幢稍小的房子。原来房子里有一座精致的古董钟。约翰想：“不能让他们用卡车搬运我那漂亮的老钟。那样也许会把钟摔坏的，修起来就费钱了。”于是他抱起老钟，沿着马路走。     

Jokes and Humour

The Result of LazinessMother:Why were you kept after school today,Johnny?Johnny:Teacher told us to write an essay on “TheResult of Laziness“,and I turned in ablank sheet of paper. 懒惰的结果妈妈:约翰尼,你今天放学以后为什么被留下了?约翰尼:老师叫我们写一篇题为“懒惰的结果”的作文,我交了一张白卷。     

Jokes and Humour

The Result of LazinessMother:Why were you kept after school today,Johnny?Johnny:Teacher told us to write an essay on "TheResult of Laziness",and I turned in ablank sheet of paper. 懒惰的结果妈妈:约翰尼,你今天放学以后为什么被留下了?约翰尼:老师叫我们写一篇题为“懒惰的结果”的作文,我交了一张白卷。     

Jokes and Humour

茱莉在做睡前祷告。“上帝,求求你,”她说,“让伦敦成为法国的首都吧!”妈妈很奇怪:“茱莉,为什么求上帝让伦敦成为法国的首都呢?”茱莉回答道:“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。”一位好莱坞制片人决定送他母亲一份生日礼物。他听说有一只神奇的鸟会说12种语言,会唱10种著名歌剧,便立即买下这只鸟,寄给了母亲。这只鸟花了他5万美元。他母亲生日的第二天,他打电话给她。“妈妈,您觉得那只鸟怎么样啊?”他急切地问道。他母亲回答说“啊,味道好极了!”丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口,而且许多人都会停下来问他“请问现在几点?”几个月后,丹想“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了,我要去买一只大钟,把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟,把它挂在了墙上。“现在人们就不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。可是打那以后,每天仍有许多人停下来,看看钟,然后问丹“这钟准吗?”?区PrayJulie was saying her bedtim e prayer.“Dear G od”she said“Please m ake Londonthe capital of France.M ake London the ...     

Jokes and Humour

Goldfish Stan:I won 92 goldfish.F red:Where are you going to keepthem?Stan:In the bathroom.F red:B ut what w ill you do whenyou want to take a bath?Stan:Blindfold them。金鱼斯丹:我赢了92条金鱼。弗雷德:你想在哪儿养它们?斯丹:浴室。弗雷德:但是你想洗澡时怎么办?斯丹:蒙住它们的眼睛!I N eed Y our FootballG eorge knocked at the door of his friend’shouse.W hen his friend’s m other answ ered,he asked,“C an A lbertcom e out to play?”“N o,”said the m other,“it’s too cold.”“W ell,then,”said G eorge,“can his footballcom e out to play?”我要玩足球乔冶敲着他朋友家的门。当朋友的妈妈来应门时,他问:“阿尔伯特...     

Jokes and Humour

在火车里尼克和爸爸去看望奶奶。在火车车厢里,尼克经常把头伸出窗外。爸爸对他说:“尼克,安静点,别把头伸出窗外。”可是尼克还是不停地把头伸出窗外。这时爸爸悄悄地从尼克头上摘下帽子藏在身后,然后对他说:“瞧,你的帽子被风刮跑了。”尼克大哭起来。他要他的帽子。他爸爸说:“好了,吹一声口哨,你的帽子也许会回来。”尼克靠近窗口吹了声口哨,爸爸很快地将帽子戴到了尼克的头上。啊,这太有意思了。尼克笑了。他很开心。他很快地从爸爸头上摘下帽子扔到窗外,高兴地说:“爸爸,现在该轮到你吹口哨了。” InaTrainCarNickwenttoseegrand…     

Jokes and Humour

聪明的男孩约翰跟母亲住在一幢大房子里。母亲去世后,他一个人住房子太大了,于是就在紧邻的一条街上买了一幢稍小的房子。原来房子里有一座精致的古董钟。约翰想:“不能让他们用卡车搬运我那漂亮的老钟。那样也许会把钟摔坏的,修起来就费钱了。”于是他抱起老钟,沿着马路走。钟很重,他停下来歇了两三次。突然,有个小男孩沿街走来。他停下来,盯了约翰几秒种,然后对约翰说:“你可真蠢!你为什么不像别人一样买块手表呢?”我的狗不识字布朗夫人:哦,亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!史密斯夫人:你该在报纸上登寻狗启示啊!布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。给我一块钱儿子:爸爸,给我一角钱。父亲:儿子,你不认为你已经长大了,不该再老是一角一角地要钱了,不是吗?儿子:爸爸,我想你是对的,那给我一块钱行吗?隐私某邻居认为到了该让她幼小的儿子乔懂得隐私权的时候了,于是待下一次进了浴室,她把门锁上。没一会儿,乔就在门外一面喊妈妈,一面使劲敲门。“浴室内有位女士,”她朝门外喊道,“你不能进来。”“妈妈,谁和你在一起呀!”乔问道。我会改一个名字埃迪十六岁了,他决定离开家去参加一个剧团。他爸爸气坏了。“我的一个儿子要上舞台演戏?真丢脸!”他大叫道,“邻居们...     

Jokes and Humour

一名在毒控中心暂时从事毒理学研究的医科学生向当地一家报纸讲述了下面这个故事。     

Jokes and Humour

HeKnowstheAnswerTeacher:Canyoutellmeanythingaboutthegreatscientistsofthe18thcentury?Pupil:Yes,sir,Ican.Theyarealldead.他知道答案教师:你能告诉我一些有关十八世纪的伟大科学家的事情吗?学生:我能,先生。他们都死了。 ThinkingBackWeweregatheredtogether,alltenofus,forourwidowedmother’s80thbirthday.Thecon-versationwasofearlystruggles,walkingtoworkandsavingupinclothingclubs,whenmyeldersistersaid,“Ofcourse,wewereboundtobepoorbecauseweweresuch…     

新目标英语八年级（上）Units3-5词语解析

decide作为及物动词后接名词，通常是指经过考虑、讨论，在几种可能中做出选择，得出结论。常用结构有decide to do sth．；decide＋特殊疑问词to do；decide＋宾语从句。请看例句：     

Jokes and Humour

Good IntentionsOne day a boy came to his teacher and said: "Teacher, Pa wants to know if you like roast pig."I certainly do," said the teacher, "and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me."Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.Finally the teacher said to the boy: "I     

Jokes and Humour

Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing,one is green and one is blue with red spots!Tom: Yes,it‘s really strange. I‘ve got another pair of the same at home.老师:你穿着一双多么奇怪的袜子呀!一只是绿色的袜子,而一只是带着红点的蓝色袜子。     

Jokes and Humour

What do they eat?Two little girls were watching the sparrows eating food at a bird table.One of them asked: "I wonder what they will eat when they can't find food on the bird table?"They will eat what they can find," replied the other."What happens when they can't find anything?"     

Jokes and Humour

杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格，学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。