When Did He Do That?

Teacher:Youngman,didyoudoallyourhomeworklastnight?Karl:No,teacher.Ididsomeofitlastnight,someofitinthemid-dleofthenight,andtherestofitearlythismorning.When Did He Do That?@扬帆     

幽默六则(英文)

1.Doctor:Pleaseopenyourmouth,madam.Lady:Thankyouverymuch,doctor.Doctor:Whydoyouthankme?Lady:Becausemyhusbandalwaysaskedmetoshutup.2.Ateacheraskedoneofhisstudents,“Whatisthelongestandwhatistheshortest?”Thestudentansweredimmediately,“Thelastseveralminutesofaclassisthelongest,whilethelastseveralminutesofanexamistheshortest.”3.TheteacheraskedTom,“Whydidyoucometoschoolsolatethismorning?”“Someonelostoneyuan,”answeredTom.“Oh,nowIknow.Youhelpedhimfindthemoney,”theteachersaid.“No,Isto…     

笑话三则(英文)

ItsNotThatJohn:MayIborrowyourrecordplayertonight?Tom:Sure.Doyouwanttolistentosomemusic?Joahn:No.TonightIwanttohavesomepeacetokeepquiet.A“Hero”Mike:Whydidyoujumpintotherivertosavethatboy?Hero:Ihadtodoso,becausehewaswearingmycoat.ItWorksWellOnebusinessmanaskedhisfriend,“Isyouradvertisinggettingresult?”ure,”repliedhisfriend.“Lastweekweadvertisedforanightwatchman.Thenextnightwewererobbed(偷盗).”笑话三则(英文)!山东@于莹…     

英语空间站

OutsideAndInsideTeacher:“Arthur,ifyouhadthreeapplesandateone,howmanywouldyouhave?”Arthur:“Three.”Teacher:“Three?”Arthur:“Yes.Twooutsideandoneinside.”【译文】里外都算老师:“阿瑟,如果你有三个苹果,吃了一个,还剩下几个?”阿瑟:“三个。”老师:“三个?”阿瑟:“是的,外面两个加上肚子里的那个。”SummerAndWinterTeacher:“Whyarethedayslongerinsummerandshorterinwinter?”Student:“Duringsummer,heatex鄄pands,andinwinter,coldcontracts.Therefore,thedaysarelonginsum鄄merandshortinwinter.”【译文】夏…     

棒小伙

一位先生和一位太太同坐在一辆公共汽车上谈着话。先生:“太太,你有孩子吗?”太太:“有的,先生,我有一个男孩。”先生:“他是一个好孩子吗?”太太:“一个非常好的男孩。”先生:“太太,你的儿子抽烟吗?”太太:“不,先生,他不抽烟。”先生:“他去酒吧吗?”太太:“不,先生,没有我他从来不出去。”先生:“他回家晚吗?”太太:“不,先生,每天他吃了晚饭就睡。”先生:“太太,你的儿子真是个非常好的年轻人,他多大了?”太太:“先生,他六个月。”VeryNiceYoungManAgentlemanandaladyweretalkinginanomnibus:Gentleman:“Haveyougotanychildren,Madam?”Madam:“Yes,Sir.Ihaveoneboy.”Gentleman:“Isheagoodboy?”Madam:“Averygoodboy.”Gentleman:“Doesyoursonsmoke,Madam?”Madam:“No,Sir,hedoesnt.”Gentleman:“Doeshegotothebar?”Madam:“No,Sir,hedoesnotgooutwithoutm...     

课堂——师生双赢的舞台

教学片段:上课后,教师走进教室,发现学生正在谈论“足球”。“Whatwereyoutalkingaboutjustnow?教师问。“Football.”“Wearegoingtotalkaboutfootballmatch.Wouldyouliketotellmeaboutyourfootballteam?”“Yes,ofcourse.”接着教师组织了如下对话:T:Howmanypeoplearethereinyourteam?S:Fifteen.T:Whoarethey?S:XieJun,WangQiang…T:OK.I'dlikeyoutosayonebyone.Who'sheadofyourteam?S:Iam中锋。T:中锋iscenter.S:Iam守门员…就这样,学生把足球队的人数、队长、队员、各队员的位置,比赛的安排等情况谈了一遍。虽然有些结结巴巴…     

快乐ABC

ImprovementOnestudenttoanother:“HowareyourEnglishlessonscomingalong?”“Fine.Iusedtobeonewhocouldn'tunderstandtheEnglishmen,andnowit'stheEnglishmenwhocan'tunderstandme.”进步一位学生问另一位:“你的英语最近学得怎么样?”“很好。我过去听不懂英国人说话,可现在是英国人听不懂我的话了。”ThePluralFormof"Child"Teacher:Whatisthepluralofman,Tom?Tom:Men.Teacher:Good.Andthepluralofchild?Tom:Twins.“孩子”的复数形式老师:汤姆,“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?汤姆:男人们。老师:答得好。那“孩子”的复数形…     

Jack''''s Address

Tom:“DoyouknowJacksaddress,Mary?”Mary:“No,Idont.”Tom:“Toobad。Ilosthisaddress.”Mary:“Butwhydontyouwritetohimfirstandaskhimforit?”Jack's Address     

开心

编辑部来了个老外,恰好英语编辑出差香港未归。阿呆自告奋勇上前接待。阿呆:“Hello.”老外:“Hi.”阿呆:“You have what thing?”老外:“Can you speak English?”阿呆:“If I not speak English,I am speak-ing what?”老外:“Can anybody else speak English?”阿呆:“You yourself look. All people are playing,no people have time,you can wait,you wait,you not wait,you go!”老外:“Good heavens. Anybody here can speak English?”阿呆:“Shout what shout,quiet a little,you on earth have what thing?”老外:“I wa…     

数学好学

妈妈:“你上了一年学校了,你觉得数学好学,还是语文好学?”小宝:“当然是数学.”妈妈:“为什么?”小宝:“语文有许许多多生字、生词.可数学只有0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9这10个数字.”     

浅谈“……怎么样?”的英语表达

我们课本中有这样的句子:I′m not sure.Maybe I′ll giveher some flowers.How about you?这里的“How about you?”“译为“你(打算)怎么样”。也就是说“How about…?”应译为“……怎么样?”为了帮助同学们更好地学习,现将“……怎么样?”的常见表达形式及其用法小结如下:一、“What(How)about?”用来征求意见、询问消息或提出建议。about为介词,后接名词或动名词短语。例:1.—What about the book?这本书怎么样?—Very interesting.非常有趣。2.—Howabout going swimming with us?和我们一起去游泳怎么样?二、“What do you thin…     

交试卷

Onedayastudentwastakingaverydifficultexam.Attheendoftheexam,theprofessoraskedallthestudentstoputtheirpencilsdownandimmediatelyhandintheirpapersTheyoungmankeptwriting,althoughhewaswarnedthatifhedidnotstopimmediatelyhewouldbedisqualified.Heig-noredthewarning,finishedthetest10minuteslat-er,andwenttohandthepapertotheprofessor.Theprofessortoldhimhewouldnottakehispaper.Thestudentasked:“DoyouknowwhoIam?”Theprofessorsaid:“No,andIdon'tcare.”Thestudentaskedagain:“Areyousureyoudon'tknowwhoIam?”…     

《三颗枸杞豆》教学实录

一、激趣导入 师:同学们,今天我们一起学习《三颗枸杞豆》.大家注意一下,课题中“三颗”的“颗”是哪个“颗”? 生(齐):“果”“页”——“颗”. 师:“三棵枸杞树”的“棵”呢? 生(齐):“木”“果”——“棵”. 师:这篇文章的体裁是什么? 生(齐):小说. 师:你们是从哪里看出来的? 生(齐):注释①——选自《小说林》. 二、把握形象 师:很好.同学们读书很善于利用注释.这篇小说同学们预习时提了很多问题,老师梳理了一下这些问题,发现主要有两大类.这节课,我们主要根据同学们课前提出的问题组织教学.先看第一组问题.     

字间趣语

“走”对“赵”说:“你考试有错题啊,怎么画了叉?” “早”对“草”说:“买了顶草帽?” “乌”对“鸟”说:“你什么时候把那颗痣弄下去啊?” “今”对“令”说:“今天新买的鞋呀?” “午”对“干”说:“看,今天新剪的刘海.” “乙”对“飞”说:“兄弟,你这翅膀是高级货吧!在什么地方买的?” “口”对“回”说:“几日没来,你家竟然砌起了墙.” “人”对“从”说:“那对谈恋爱的,严禁践踏草坪.”     

中式英语

刚才来了个老外,进到办公室,前台小姐左看右看,大家都在打游戏,只有自己比较清闲,面带微笑地:前台小姐:“Hello.”老外:“Hi.”前台小姐:“You have what thing?”老外:“Can you speak English?”前台小姐:“If I not speak English, Iam speaking what?”老外:“Can anybody else speakEnglish?”前台小姐:“You yourself look. Allpeople are playing, no people have time,you can wait, you wait, you not wait, yougo!”老外:“Good heavens. Anybodyhere can speak English?”前台小姐:“Shout what shout, quieta little, yo…     

从“猫头鹰搬家”说开去

请看一则选自《说苑·说丛篇》中的材料:枭逢鸠,鸠曰:“子将安之?”枭曰:“我将东徙.”鸠曰:“何故?”枭曰:“乡人皆恶我鸣,以故东徙.”鸠曰:“子能更鸣,可矣;不能更鸣,东徙犹恶子之声.”(枭,猫头鹰.“子将安之?”即“你要到哪里去?”)     

Jokes and Humor

一位老师问他的一个学生:“最长的和最短的东西是什么?”学生立即回答道:“快要下课的最后几分钟是最长的,而一场考试的最后几分钟是最短的。”Ateacheraskedoneofhisstudents:“Whatisthelongestandwhatistheshortest?”Thestudentansweredimmediately:“Thelastseveralminutesofaclassisthelongest,whilethelastseveralminutesofanexamistheshortest.”TheteacheraskedTom:“Whydidyoucometoschoolsolatethismorning?”“Someonelostoneyuan.”AnsweredTom.“Oh,nowIknow,youhelpedhimfindthemoney,”theteachersaid.“No,Istoodont…     

开心果

LittleCharlie:“Mummy,whyhasDaddysuchlittlehair?”小查理:“妈妈,爸爸的头发为什么这么稀少啊?”Mother:“Becaushethinkssomuch,dear.”妈妈:“因为他太动脑筋了,亲爱的。”LittleCharlie:“Oh!Andwhyhaveyousuchalot,Mummy?”小查理:“噢!妈妈,那你为什么有这么多的头发呢?”Dick:“Father,theresabigblackcatinthedining-room.”迪克:“爸爸,餐厅里有一只大黑猫呢!”Father:“Nevermind,Dick,blackcatsarelucky.”父亲:“没有关系,迪克,黑猫是幸运猫。”Dick:“Thisoneis,hejusthadyourdinner!”迪克:“它的确很幸运,它刚把你的晚饭给吃了。”Uncle:“Letsseewhetheryouaresmartinarithmetic,Jimmy!IhavetwentydollarsandIborrowfiftyfromyouraunt,thirtyfromyourdad. Whatdo...     

四味苦药甜人生

师:大家来谈谈从《生于忧息,死于安乐》中读出了什么? 生:我读出了一个人要有所作为一定要经历磨难. 师:为什么是“一定”呢? 生:“必”就是“一定”的意思,强调了经历磨难的重要性,要担大任,一定要先经历磨难. 师:经历磨难能带来哪些益处? 生:“动心忍性”和“曾益其所不能”. 师:能解释一下吗? 生:“动心”就是“使他...     

黄永玉讲笑话

著名画家黄永玉作画不中不西,自成一家,有人说看不懂他的画,他就给人讲了个笑话: 有人问毕加索:“你的画我怎么看不懂呀?”毕加索说:“你听过鸟叫吗?”“听过.”“好听吗?”“好听.”“那你听得懂吗?”