浅议西安方言的隐实示虚趣难词

西安方言有许多隐实示虚的趣难词,即词语中故意使用与词义风马牛不相及的用字,把假、难、趣的特点结合起来,有欣赏性。是世代西安人民群众的语言创造,而方言词典竟然避难而不解释。     

交通也幽默

1 A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound off on the aviation freq uencies.This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime.Instead of following the proper protocol when reaching the tower, he said： ＂Guess who？＂ The controller switched the field Ughts off and replied：＂Guess where!＂     

Funny Dialogues

A Customer:What are these pennies (硬币) in my soup? Waiter:Well,sir,you said you'd stop eating here if there wasn't some change in the food.     

Funny Stories

Chaplin and a fly One afternoon when Charlie Chaplin(卓别林)was sitting together with his friends talking,a fly flew into the room and kept flying around Chaplin’s head.Chaplin waved his hand to drive it away,but the fly soon came back again.For once it even rested on his nose!Chaplin got angry.He took up a fly-swatter(苍蝇拍)and swung at it,but the fly got away in time.     

Funny Talk

期待已久的万圣节前夜就要到了。瞧,熊妈妈和小熊正在为万圣节前夜制作鬼脸南瓜灯呢!熊妈妈做得好认真啊!可小熊好像被别的东西吸引住了。请你发挥丰富的想象,给它俩设计几句对白,然后把对白写下来(最好能用英文),寄到编辑部或发到编辑部的电子邮箱。你的对白就有可能被评为"最具想象力对白"刊登在《英语大王》上了!     

Funny Questions

1.A friend of mine says to me that his son is only four years old,but can speak English fluently and clearly.Though I don't believe it,that's true.Why? 2.An orange fell to the ground dirtied.If there is no water,how can I clean it and eat it? 3.Neither a plane nor a bird am I,though you can see me in the sky.Full of water,yet not a river or the sea.What do you think I can be? 4.Jim wanted to go into the house.He brought out the key and opened the door.But whatever he did,he couldn't push the door.     

Funny Stories

"You are the first one !" One day,a man saw fisherman standing beside a lake with a mirror. "Excuse me,"he said."Could you tell me what are you doing?" "I'm fishing." "Fishing with a mirror?" the man asked. "Sure,it's my new interest," answered the fisherman. "Could you tell me how it works?" "Okay,but you will give me a hundred dollars." The man wanted to know the answer,so he gave the fisherman the money.The fisherman said,"First you aim (对准目标,瞄准) the mirror into the water,and when a fish goes by,you let the ray (光线) of the sun on its head.The fish is puzzled (感到迷惑不解) and then you catch it."     

Funny Dialogues

A Carpenter(木匠):You hammer(锤打)like lightning(闪电). Helper:You mean I'm fast? Carpenter:No,I mean you seldom strike the same place twice.     

Funny Definitions

Consciousness： the time between naps.Accountant： someone you hire to explain that you didn＇t make the money you did. Wedding： a funeral where you smell your own flowers.Justice： a decision in your favor.     

Funny Talk

Squirrel： I like juice, but it＇s empty now. Who can buy some juice for me？     

Funny Stories

"You are the first one You one!"One day,a man saw a fisherman standing beside a lake with a mirror."Excuse me,"he said."Could you tell me what are you doing?""Im fishing.""Fishing with a mirror?"the man asked."Sure,it’s my new interest,"answered the fisherman."Could you tell me how it works?"     

Funny Dialogues

A Manny:Do these stairs take you to the ninth floor? Danny:No,you have to walk by yourself.     

Funny Talks

A Lady:Don't be afraid of the dog.You know the old proverb,"A barking dog never bites."(谚语:吠犬不咬人.) Sam:You know the proverb.I know the proverb.But does your dog know the proverb? B Diner:Bring me some soup and make sure a fly isn't in it.Yesterday there was a fly in my soup.     

Funny Stories

布莱克夫妇昨天傍晚想去看一场电影.他们不能把儿子单独留在家里,因为他只有10个月大.他们只得把他带到电影院.当他们进去的时候,一个工作人员拦住了他们,说道:"如果你们的小孩子哭了,你们必须出来,但是你们可以把钱拿回去." 40分钟以后,布莱克先生问他的妻子:"你认为这部电影怎么样?""太无聊了."他妻子回答说."我也不喜欢这部电影,我们把儿子叫醒,让他哭起来吧!"     

Funny Questions

1.What must you keep after giving it to someone else? 2.Who can stop a truck with one hand? 3.What are the strongest days of the week? 4.Where does Friday come before Thursday? 5.Which travels faster,heat or cold? 6.Why did he throw a clock out of the window? 7.When should you kick about a birthday present? 8.It is yours,but others use it more than you do.What is it ? 9.What room has no walls,no doors,no floors,and no windows? 10.How are a teacher and a railroad conductor (列车员) alike? 11.Why are we always tired (累) on the first of April? 12.What is the longest sentence in the world? 13.What is the difference between a hill and a pill (药片) ? 14.What part of a clock is always old?