Humor

One yuan The teacher asked Tom:Why did you come to school so late this morning? Someone lost one yuan, answered Tom. Oh,I know.You helped him find the money,the teacher said. No,I stood on the money until the person went away.     

笑话与谜语

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says,"Why are you arguing?" One boy answers,"We found a ten-dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the higgest lie." "You should he ashamed of yourselves,"said the teacher,"When I was your age, I didn 't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten-dollar to the teacher.     

Jokes and Humour

Good IntentionsOne day a boy came to his teacher and said: "Teacher, Pa wants to know if you like roast pig."I certainly do," said the teacher, "and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me."Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.Finally the teacher said to the boy: "I     

A good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman,"he answered.     

Father’s John Hancock

Teacher:Tom,you haven’t shown your parents the examination pa-pers,have you?Tom:Yes,I have,sir.Teacher:But I can’t find your father’s John Hancock on the papers.Tom:Here,sir.(Showing his whipped arm to the teacher.)Father’s John Hancock!山东@石继忠     

英语小笑话

I want a nightmare想做坏梦Before the final examination,Tom told his mother,"Mom,I had a dream last night that I’d passed today’s exam.""Don’t trust dreams,dear.It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite."Mother replied."Then I do hope I’ll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight."Tom said.     

短文三则(英文)

A Jack is 12 years old and he studies in a middle school.He likes to tell his father,Mr Green,everything about his school life.Now Jack jumps onto bed.Mr Green is sitting beside him."What kind of day did you have today?"Mr Green asks."It was a bad day for me,"Jack answers."I had a fight with Tom.The teacher told you     

Have a Good Laugh

A：Do you know music？B：Of course. I do.A：What is the teacher playing now？B：The piano，isn't it？A：You know，you always remind me of Charlie Green.B：But I'm not a bit like Charlie Green.A：Yes，you are. You both owe me 50 dollars.Tom：I think my parents are very clever.Jim：Why？Tom：Because they knew my name as soon as I was born.Jim：Tom，do you know Jack's address？Tom：No，I don't.Jim：Too bad. I lost his address.Tom：But why don't you write to him first and ask for it…     

My Favorite Profession

If you are a junior or senior,you may be frequently asked,"What would you like to do in the future?"Whenever people ask me this question,my answer is always the same,"To be a teacher."     

幽默四则

In the class, the teacher asked a student, "Do you know what words are used most in the world?" The student thought quite a long time, and at last, he said," I don't know." The teacher was glad and said, " Very good, you're right. These three words (I, don't, know) are used most in the world."Have They Different Mothers?With the help of her friend, a young mother took her very young twins who were exactly alike to the doctor. Since the waiting area was full, the two     

STORIES

Tom walked into a shop. It had a sign (招牌) outside: "Second hand clothes bought and sold." He was carrying an old pair of trousers and asked the owner of the shop, "How much will you give me for these?" The man looked at them and then said, "Two dollars." "What!" said Tom. "I had guessed they were worth at least five." " No," said the man, " they aren’t worth a cent more than two dollars."     

Humor

Teacher:Tom,do you know what’s the meaning of “Don't trouble trouble till trouble troubles you”?Tom:It means you’d better not raise your bands if you can't answerthe teacher’s questions.     

心不在焉

1.Not long ago Tom's wife sent Tom to town to buy something. Tom walked to the store, and bought a pound of sugar. Then, Tom returned home. Handing his wife a paper bag of sugar, Tom said,"Here's the sugar you wanted."     

笑话(英文)

Family QuarrelThe young newly-weds(新婚夫妇)quarreled.At last she could bear (忍)it no longer and burst into tears(哭起来)."I don't want to have anything to do with you any more.I'm packimg up(收拾)my things and going off to mother.""Fine,my dear,"said the husband."Here are the travelling expenses(路费)"She counted the money and asked: "What about the money for the return ticket?"     

高二下学期阅读一刻钟考验(英文)

请用一刻钟的时间完成下面四篇阅读理解。A A young lady who was on holiday in Brighton went into a bank to collect some money which had been sent there for her from the town in which she lived. The clerk in the Brighton bank did not know her, so he said, "What proof have you got that you are really the lady who should collect this money?" The young lady looked worried for a few moments and said , " I don't think I've brought any proof with me." But then she suddenly looked happy again, she opened her bag, took a photograph of herself out of it and showed it to the clerk. "Here's something." she said. The clerk looked at the photograph carefully and then looked at the young lady. "Yes, that's you," he said, and paid the money to her without any more trouble. 1. The young lady came to Brighton to____. A. work in a bank B. collect money     

一罐金子(英文)

Once a farmer was put in prison. Even though(即使)this farmer was in prison,he wasn't a bad man. He hadn't done anything wrong. At this time the king's men were collecting money. The king needed money so that he could fight wars and the people had to pay a lot of taxes(税). Now this farmer didn't have any money. He told this to the king's men. When they came to his house,he said,"I can't give you any money. I am such a poor man that I've hardly got enough to live."The king’s m en laughed. …     

Jokes and Humor集锦

The Teacher’s Notation During a Christmas exam,one of the questions was,"What causes a depression?"One of the students wrote,"God knows,I don’t know.Merry Christmas."The exam paper came back with teacher’s notation:"God gets 100,you get zero.Happy New Year."老师的批语在圣诞节考试期间,有一个问题是:"什么引起萧     

QQE点通

Five hundred ducksOne day, a gentleman teacher talked to the two annoying girl students,"Two women are one thousand ducks."After a while, the teacher's wife came to the school to see him. One of the two girl students said to their teacher, "Five hundred ducks are looking for you out of the door, sir."     

祸不妄至,福不徒来

It's a funny thing about money. If you haven't gotit, you think it's the most important thing in the world.That's what I used to think, too. I don't any more, though,and I learned the hard way.When I was at school, we had this English master.He was always quoting to us from famous writers. Iwasn't very interested, and I don't remember muchabout it now. But it's funny how things come back toyou. He used to say,"When the gods wish to punishus, they answer our prayers."Sounds a bit daft, doe…