Humour

Tom came to a small restaurant for lunch. Somehow he wanted to go to the toilet, but he didn't know where it was. He asked a waiter who was passing by."Just follow the flies !" answered the waiter.Mum: Naughty boy! Did you fight with others? Look! You have had you     

幽默与笑话(英文)

Male or femaleA woman visited the zoo and asked akeeper whether the zebra(斑马)was male ora female.“Madam,”replied the keeper,“that is aquestion that should be of interest to anotherzebra.”SleeplessnessMary went to see a doctor and said,“Doctor,I can!t sleep.”The doctor asked,“Did you try counting?”“Yes,I counted to487465.”answered Mary.Then the doctorasked,“Surely you fell asleep?”“No,then it was morning.”Marywas disappointed(失望)and answered.Ten secondsTom!s grandma care…     

Tea or Coffee?

Once a man took a drink from his cup and then said to the waiter,“Waiter,is this tea or coffee?”The waiter said,“Can't you tell the difference,sir,by the taste?”“No,”the man said,“I cant.”“Well,”answered the waiter.“If you can't tell the difference,what does it matter which it is?”Tea or Coffee?!河南@马志芳…     

In a Restaurant(在餐馆)

1.“Here's your vegetablesoup(汤汁 ) ,Madam.”“Thankyou.”　　 2 .“Waiter!Do you call itvegetable soup?Look at thegreen ball.It's a fly(苍蝇 ) !”cried the woman angrily.　　 3.“Really?the waiter putthe dark green ball into hismouth and said,”oh,no!It'sjust a piece of burnt(烧糊的 )green onion(洋葱 ) .”　　 4.“It's awful(恶心 ) !”said the waiter.“But yousaved(挽救 ) the restaurantfrom disgrace(不体面 ) !ThisC- note(1 0 0元 ) is for you.”said the boss(老板 ) .　　　 Mark Twain was …     

At the Court

A man had to go to court, and he asked his lawyer which judge would be hearing (审理) the case. His lawyer told him and asked:“Do you know him?”The man answered:“No, but I wanted to know his name so that I could send him a dozen bottles of good wine.”     

猴子与鳄鱼

They swam slowly.Suddenly,the mother crocodile saw the monkey,“Oh,a monkey! How nice if l have it for my dinner!” Then she said to her son,“My son,do you love me? Yes,of course,” the baby crocodile answered.“Well,can you see that monkey? I want to eat his heart.Can you go and get it for me?” the mother crocodile asked.“All right.”     

婚姻大事101

What you’re reallyfighting aboutwhen you’re fight—ing about thedrapes and window swags. Shortly after we mar-ried;I found my husbandsavaging my window treat-ments.“What have youdone to the swag?”I asked.eyeing a mess on the liv-ing—room floor that wouldnever,ever again hang incrisp folds across a deco—     

Jokes and Humor

Fine for Parking “Tell me again,“ asked the judge, “why you parked there?“ The driver rose and answered respectfully, “Because, Your Honor, it said‘Fine for Parking‘.“ (note: “fine“ has two meanings 1.good;2.pay some money for doing something wrong.)S elf-helpI went into a bookstore one day and askedthe woman behind the counter where theself-help section was.She said,“If I told you,that would defeat the whole purpose.”(note:“self-help”has two meanings1.you take with-out paying;2.you can choose as you like)I...     

如何回答面试提问(英文)

Don't be rattled(使慌乱) by your next job interview. It's possible to answer any question that comes your way. How? By preparing and knowing how to direct the conversation to the topics you want to cover.To start, take a tip from consultants(顾问、咨询员) w ho coach executives and politicians on how to handle m edia interview s. These trainers say you can deliver the m essage you w antto an em ployer,regardless ofthe question you’re asked. “M ostpeople don’t realize that their purpose isn…     

Life in Your Hand

Once there was a young man who asked a wise elder,"It is said that you can foretell1 things that happen in the future.     

JOKES

Applying to Be a Soldier An old man applied(申请)to be a soldier.The sergeant(中士)asked him,“How old are you?”“Sixty—two”answered theold man.The sergeant said:“You know,you’re too old to be asoldier.”Then the old man said:“Maybe,it’s a little old to be asoldier,but don’t you need a general(将军)?”     

Headwork

One day a man came to a hospital.“What is the matter with you ”asked the doctor.     

伐木匠(英文)

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe(斧头) fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter told Him that his axe has fallen into water. God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" God asked. The woodcutter said,     

趣味阅读

A diner（食客）took a look at his food and asked the waiter： ＂I     

英语平台(英文)

A Clever Dog A dog owner claimed that his pet,when given money,would go to the news stallto buy a paper.His friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog somemoney.The dog trotted off.but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.“How much did you give him?”asked the owner.“Five dollars.”     

20只猫与一个猫碗(英文)

A man was looking for things of the old times. One day he came to a village and found a blue bowl. It looked veryold. The bowl was on the ground and a cat was drinking milk from it. A farmer, the owner of the cat , was lying besidethe bowl. The man did not want the farmer to know that he was interested in bowl. So he said to him softly, “What anice cat you have? Will you sell it to me?”“How much will you give me for the cat?”the farmer opened his eyes and asked.“Twenty dollars. Would t…     

冷静回答关于你隐私的提问

How should you react when a hiring manager asks an inappropriateinterview question?That is what Jenny Austin,a 33-year-old Greenbelt,Md.,resi-dent,recently found herself asking.When Ms.Austin,a Muslim,applied for a certified nursing-assistant position、with a home health-carecompany recently,she was shocked when a manager commented on herhead scarf and asked,”Do you wear your costume when you go to work?"She finally decided to drop overtures’to the company and look elsewhere.Rick Bum,a Smyrna,Ga.,logistics manager,recently encountered asimilar red flag when applying for a position that would require moving toTexas.During an interview,a manager asked if he was married,then fol-lowed up by asking.“When will your spouse relocate?”Mr.Bam tried to change the conversation to focus on the skills neededfor the job.“You shouldn't be judging people by what their family situationiS,“he says.BUt the manager persisted until Mr.Burn explained that his wifewould remain behind to care for her elderly parents.The company choseanother candiciate.     

Jokes

A Dirtier HandWhen he was a child, Mike did not always obey the rules of school. One day the teacher caught him breaking a rule and asked him to come up to be punished. In that school beating the palm of hand(手掌心）with a ruler was the punishment. Mike蒺s hands were very dirty, so on the way to the teacher蒺s desk, he wiped one of his hands on his coat.The teacher looked at it for a moment and said,“Mike, if you can find a dirtier hand in the class, I shall not punish you.”“Here it is…     

Not to Be Taken Out

Mark Twain(马克·吐温)once went to borrow a certain book from a neighbor in Tarr town.“May I borrow a book from you?”he asked politely.“Yes,you are more than welcome to it,”the neighbor told him,“But I must ask you to read it here.You know I make it a rule never to let any book go out of my library.”