幽默两则

A guy walks past mental hospital and hears moaning voice,“13…13…13…”The man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall.He looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye.The moaning voice then groaned.“14…14…14…”一个人走过精神病医院的时候听到了呻吟声:“13……13……13……”这个人朝医院看了看,见墙上有一个洞,他朝洞里看的时候,眼睛被捅了一下。然后悲叹的声音呻吟道:“14……14……14……”E编辑/Syringa     

幽默两则

1.The N ew TeacherG eorge com es from school onthe firstofSeptem ber.“G eorge,how did you likeyour new teacher?A sked hism other.“I didn'tlike her,M other.Because she said that three andthree were six,and then she saidthattwo and four were six too…新老     

幽默两则

I Could Not Count It我来不及点数In an English village.there was a farmer whohad twelve pigs.One day the farmer sent his littleson Tom to count the pigs.The boy came backvery soon. “Well,”said his father,“have you counted thepigs?Are they all there?”     

幽默两则

I .Good News and Bad NewsA football fan asked God, "Is there a football field in Heaven?"God thought it over for a moment and said, "I'll tell you tomorrow."The next day God said to the football fan, "Half of the news is good while another half is bad."Football fan:Please tell me the good news at first.God:There is a first-class football field in Heaven.Football fan: What about the bad news?God:There will be a football match tomorrow morning. You are on court at first.     

幽默两则

I.A Picnic 0n a holiday,Henry and Jack had a picnic ina park.On the ground they spread what they hadprepared for their meal.In the plate were two loavesof beef,salted eggs and some pieces of bread. Henry grabbed the larger loaf of beef.Jacksaid tO him angrily,“What bad manners youhave!Y_0U took the larger one!” Henry answered,“If you had been in my place,which 10af would you have taken?’’ “The small one.of course.” ‘‘Then what are you complaining about?’’ 野餐 在假日的一天,亨利…     

幽默两则

月饼高二时的中秋节,蓝的传呼机在上课时候突然响了起来,结果被老师收缴。下午,老师叫蓝去办公室把他狠批了一顿,还让他写了一份2000字的检查。好不容易训完了,老师就用手指了一下办公桌,说:“拿回去吧。”当时蓝被训得晕晕乎乎的,抬头一看桌子上面一盒包装精美的月饼(其实那是学校发给老师的福利),心中大为感激,全然忘记了自己的bp机,一把抓起月饼就跑……老师慢慢地走出来,呆呆地哎——了一声……     

幽默两则

他的脑袋一定也是空的小博比:我胃疼。泰丝阿姨:那是因为你还没吃东西,你的胃里空空的,所以才会疼。小博比:我现在知道哈瑞叔叔为什么老是头疼了,他的脑袋里一定也是空的。H is head m ustbe em pty tooLittle Bobby:I've gota stom-achache.A unt Tess:That's becauseyou have     

幽默两则

1.Two BirdsTeacher:H ere are two birds,one is a sw al-low,the other is sparrow.N ow w ho can tell uswhich is w hich?Student:I can notpointout,but I know theanswer.Teaher:Please tell us.Student:The sw allow is beside the sparrowand the sparrow is beside th…     

幽默两则

方便的故事一位农村小姐初次进城,回乡后对小姐妹们大发感慨:『人家城里人讲话特文明,讲上厕所不叫「上厕所」,叫「万便」。』小姐妹们听得直点头。说完之后,这位小姐又     

幽默两则

究竟是谁害怕?我的邻居给我们讲起他带着他那两岁半的儿子外出旅行的事。那是他们父子头一次单独外出。     

幽默两则

理想职业 贝蒂是个懒姑娘,她既不努力学习,也不帮母亲做家务。 “贝蒂,你长大了干什么工作呢?”母亲问,“你太懒了,没有任何工 作适合你。” “但我知道有一份工作适合我,”姑娘说,“我要当圣诞老人。” “你要当圣诞老人?”母亲挺惊讶,“为什么呢?”ol en 丽莎是个家庭主妇。她喜欢翻来复去地安排屋里的家具。“越变越 好了,”她常说,“这样看上去不是好多了吗?” 但她丈夫约翰却不以为然,他找起东西来太麻烦了。“你知道,亲爱 的,”他经常说,“如果你让东西呆在原来的地方,我就感激不尽了。”但 是丽莎不予理会。 一天夜里,约翰被敲门声惊…     

幽默两则

别字在一家副食店里,服务员刚写完黑板上的“现在另售”四个字,旁边一位顾客就说:“同志,零售的‘零’,你写的是别字。”服务员瞪了顾客一眼说:“得了吧,‘别’字还有个立刀旁儿呢!”     

幽默两则

你连姓名都改了两个人在火车站擦身而过。其中的一个对另一个说:“喂,你大变样了!你的头发原来是褐色,而现在变成了灰色;你的脸原来是红色,而现在变得苍白;你过去瘦瘦的,而现在发胖了。我无法相信那会是你,史密斯先生。”另一个人说:“但是,我不是史密斯先生。”第一个人又说:“啊,你连姓名都改了!”     

幽默两则

他是位好歌手吗？朋友：你的声音把我吓了一跳。歌手：我学唱歌花了100万美元呀!朋友：我很想带你去见见我哥哥。     

幽默故事两则

动物学校有一天,动物们为了提升教育水准,于是决定设立学校。校方定下的课程包括飞行、跑步、游泳及爬树等,要求所有动物一律要修完全部课程。     

少儿幽默两则

一妈妈:“你看蚂蚁多勤劳,从不浪费时间去玩耍。”儿子:“为什么我每次到郊外去旅行,总遇到它们?”二5岁的宝宝与妈妈在人群中失散。他哭着向人们打     

校园幽默两则

某室室友一到晚上12点就唱歌,管理员听见立刻赶了过来,站在门口说:“这首歌是谁先唱的?”一室员回答说:“是那英。”管理员生气地说:“那英,扣你们班一分!”     

英语幽默两则

Mark Twain In The Train One day,Mark Twain(马克·吐温),a greatAmerican writer,was travelling(旅行) in atrain.The conductor(列车员)asked him for his ticket(票).Mark Twain looked for the ticket here and there,but hecould not find it.The conductor knew Mark Twain. Hesaid,"Show me your ticket on your way back.And if youdon't find it,there is nothing."