幽默2则

1 我们总是两本一起卖顾客:我要买一本《快捷致富术》。(营业员走到后面拿了两本书回来,随手把书包好。)顾客:我只要一本。营业员:我知道,另一本是《刑事法典》。我们总是两本书一起卖。     

校园幽默2则

校园短说校当局既重体质教育又重校荣校誉。每早四千米校外跑操必校服一身,并设专门人士为各班打分。时间一长,同学对校服的反感俱增,便偷梁换柱只穿上衣蒙混过关。但又岂能逃过专门人士之法眼。早操成绩每况愈下。这天跑操回来,体委站到讲台上,气急败坏地说:“没穿裤子的站起来!”告示 昨去餐厅吃饭,门口见一告示云:吾乃甲肝患者,误丢饭盒,如有拾者,请速扔至校园垃圾站。吾敬告之! 第二天,校园垃圾站堆满了饭盒。校园幽默2则@沈超$高碑店市东马营乡马张村小学     

幽默三则

Who is cleverer “Mum,is mothermuch cleverer thanson?”“Yes.”“Who inventedthe electric lamp,then?”“Edison.”“Why didn'tEdison's mother invent theelectric lamp?”“...”     

幽默两则

A guy walks past mental hospital and hears moaning voice,“13…13…13…”The man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall.He looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye.The moaning voice then groaned.“14…14…14…”一个人走过精神病医院的时候听到了呻吟声:“13……13……13……”这个人朝医院看了看,见墙上有一个洞,他朝洞里看的时候,眼睛被捅了一下。然后悲叹的声音呻吟道:“14……14……14……”E编辑/Syringa     

幽默21则

自我介绍班上转来了一个学生,教师请她自我介绍。“我未必会是最聪明的,我未必会是最美丽的,我未必会是最优秀的。”正当班上同学都觉得她很谦虚时,她接着说:“大家好,我的名字叫魏碧慧。”     

幽默六则

汤姆的借口老师：汤姆，你为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，都看见有个路标，上面写着：“学校＿＿＿慢行”     

幽默三则

飞机在公路上开日本是岛国,周围被大海环抱。故去日本,不是坐飞机从天上去,就得乘船从海上去。而美国官兵却声称他们去日本,都是从路上去的。一日本人问美国士兵:“这天连水,水连天的大海上哪儿有路?”美士兵答曰:“天皇的路自然是在天上,我们坐B29去贵国,走的都是裕仁公路。”采访史密斯美空军飞行员史密斯,奉命轰炸日本军用设施,不慎偏了方向,急欲返航。而此时,机上还有一枚炸弹没有投下。按美国军方规定,飞行员携弹返航是要受惩罚的。史密斯为避免惩罚,便将那枚炸弹随意往下一扔。没想到这一扔,竟击中了美军连日搜寻的日本秘密军用油库…     

幽默三则

我拿着钥匙呢约翰在他的朋友杰克后面高声地叫着:“嗨,杰克!有人把你的珠宝盒给偷走了。”杰克边笑边回答道:“不要紧,我拿着盒子上的钥匙呢。”只算现金和信用卡一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租,旅馆的工作人员回答说房租的多少取决于房间的大小和客人的人数。“小孩子算不算呢?”那人问道。“不算,先生。”服务员回答,“我们只算现金和信用卡。”他的书在哪儿?杰克:哦,你的书架可真漂亮呀!可为什么上面一本书也没有呢?约翰:是啊,以前我是有很多书,但是为买这个书架,我把书全卖了。I Have the KeyJohn called after his friend Jack,…     

幽默三则

A Drinker's SuccessA heavy drinker realized the harm done to him by wine and made up his mind to give up drinking. One day he went shopping in the town near his home. He was determined to come back home without even sipping(呷)a drop of wine. Shopping over, he passed by a wine shop. "Here is a place to test myself," he thought, and went away. He felt encouraged with this first success . He came to another wine shop, and did the same, bravely. He was very glad. Finally he came to his favorite wine shop near his house. He went into it and drank happily to celebrate his success in abstinence from wine(戒酒)all day.     

幽默七则

饥荒一个大腹便便的富翁,在街头花园里遇见正在散步的萧伯纳,便取笑说:“一见到你,我就知道世界上正在闹饥荒。”萧伯纳是个有名的瘦子,他听了富翁的话后,反唇相讥地说:“一看到你这个样子,我就找到了世界上正在闹饥荒的原因。”观察家甲:“大自然对任何事物都是相互补偿的。比如,如果一个人一只眼睛瞎了,另一只眼的视力就更好;如果一只耳朵聋了,那他的另一只耳朵听得更清楚,等等。”乙:“说得对。我早就注意到,当一个人的一条腿较短时,那另一条腿教练的妻子作为一个教练的妻子,罗伯特太太一直感到,在她丈夫的眼睛里,一场球赛要比她重要得多…     

幽默三则

乱用成语一天,老师布置写作文,题目是《我的家》。小军这样写道:“我家有爸爸、妈妈和我三个人。每天早上一出门,我们就分道扬镳,各奔前程。晚上又殊途同归。     

幽默三则

I.You Will Save Much More "You'll be pleased with me today, mother, "Dick said to his mother, coming home from school. "I saved on fares.I didn't go to school by bus, I ran all the way after it."Well,"said his mother laughing,"Next time you should run after a taxi,you will save much more."     

幽默七则

精神病医生杰瑞去看精神病医生。医生,我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候,我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!给我一年时间,医生说,每周来三次,我会治好你。费用是多少呢?每次一百美元。我会认真考虑的。杰瑞答道。     

幽默两则

1.The N ew TeacherG eorge com es from school onthe firstofSeptem ber.“G eorge,how did you likeyour new teacher?A sked hism other.“I didn'tlike her,M other.Because she said that three andthree were six,and then she saidthattwo and four were six too…新老     

幽默两则

I Could Not Count It我来不及点数In an English village.there was a farmer whohad twelve pigs.One day the farmer sent his littleson Tom to count the pigs.The boy came backvery soon. “Well,”said his father,“have you counted thepigs?Are they all there?”     

幽默八则

无人合作老师:“你的考试成绩怎么不像打篮球那么棒呢?”学生:“老师,蓝球场有人合作,可考场上没有人合作呀!”