幽默（英文）

正Clever Bobby Brown was very proud of his young son.Once he was talking to a visitor,telling the man how clever his son was."The boy is only two years old,"he said,"and he knows all animals.He's going to be a great naturalist(生物学家).Here,let me show you."He took a book of natural history from the bookself,placed Bobby     

尴尬的(英文)

A woman was singing.One of the gueststurned to a man by his side and criticized(批评)the singer."What a terrible voice!"he said."Do youknow who she is ?""Yes."was the answer,"she is my wife.""Oh,I beg your pardon,"the man said."Of course her voice isn't bad.but the songis very bad.I wondered(想知道)who wrotethat awful(糟糕的)song?""I did,"was the answer.     

STORES

There was ice on the road,and the doctor's car hit a tree and turned over three times.To his supprise,he was not hurt.He went out of the car and walked to the nearest house.He wanted to telephone the garage for help.The door was opened by one of his patients."Oh,Doctor,"she said,"I have just telephoned you.You must have a very fast car.You have got here so quickly.There has been a very bad accident outside.I saw it through the window.I'm sure the driver will need your help."     

Drunk

One day,a father and his little son were going home.At this age,the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now,he asked,"What’s the meaning of the word‘Drunk’,dad?""Well,my son,"his father replied,"Look,there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."     

一位母亲的诉求

After his father's death,the son left his mother at an old age home.The son used to visit her sometimes. One day,he received a phone call from the old age home.On the other side of the call was his mother.In a very serious 1)tone she said,"Please come to visit." The son went and saw that his mother was very serious.     

STORIES

There was ice on the road,and the doctor’s car hit a tree and turned over three times.To his supprise,he was not hurt.He went out of the car and walked to the nearest house.He wanted totelephone the garage for help.The door was opened by one of his pa-tients."Oh,Doctor,"she said,"I have just telephoned you.You musthave a very fast car.You have got here so quickly.There has been avery bad accident outside.I saw it through the window.I’m sure thedriver will need your help."     

孔融让梨

A long time ago,there was a boy called Kong Rong.He was loved by all the members of the family because he was clever and polite to everyone.One day,his father bought some pears and put some on the table in a plate.He asked all his children to come around the table and said,"Here are some pears. Each of you can have one,any one you like."     

Evils of Alcohol

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey.The worm in the water lived,while the one in the whiskey curled up and died."All right,son,"asked the father,"What does that show you?"     

You''''re Late Again

Henry's first job was in a shop.The shopopened ____1_ nine o'clock. ___2___ his first day hewas late for work. "You're five minutes late,"his boss(老板)said in a __3____ way. "I'm sorry,sir."Henry said. "The bus waslate.There was a lot of traffic in the street."     

高中英语新课标选修七 Unit 4 Sharing读写训练步步高

一、完形填空Paul received an expensive car from his brother as a Christmas present.On Christmas Eve when Paul came out of his office,a street boy was1the shining car."Is this your car,Paul?"he asked.Paul2,"My brother gave it to me for Christmas."The boy was astonished."You mean your brother gave it to you and it cost you     

How foolish you are!

Christmas was coming. Mr Smith had no money to buy any presents for his children. His wife was ill and he spent a lot of money on her medicine. And the harvest was bad and all his family were going to be hungry the next spring. He was quite worried about it."We had only a cock,"said Mrs Smith one day. "You'd better take it to the town. Sell it there and buy some cakes and sweets for our children."     

阅读理解

The whole village soon learned a lot of money hadbeen stolen.Sam had lost his wallet(钱包)while takinghis money to the post office.Sam was sure that the walletmust have been found by one of the villagers,but it wasnot returned to him.Three months passed,and then onemorning,Sam found his wallet outside his front door,in itwas half the Money he had lost,together with a note,which said,"A thief,yes,but only 50% a thief!"Twomonths later,some more money was sent to Sam with an-other note,"Only 25% a thief now."In no time all Sam'smoney was paid back in this way.The last note said,"I'm100% honest(诚实的)now!"     

盛满亲吻的纸盒

The story goes that some time ago,a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper.Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said, "This is for you, Daddy."The man was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction,but his anger flared again when he found out the box was empty.He yelled at her, stating,"Don't you know, when you give someone a present;     

英语幽默故事集锦(英文)

1.That Man Knows the Future With a saw,Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden when a man passed by.The man stopped and said,"Excuse me,but if you continue to saw that branch like that,you will fall to the ground with it."He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting     

On Causes of Teddy’s Tragedy in Shutter Island by Psychoanalysis

Shutter Island is a movie directed by Martin Scorsese.It tells a story about a psychotic,Teddy,who committed a serious crime and lived in fantasy from then on.A group of psychologists tried to help him by exposing the reality and forcing him to face it.At last,Teddy’s memory was recovered.Yet he chose to receive lobotomy to end his pain.From Freud’s psychoanalytic point of view,Teddy’s tragedy is caused by the conflict between his id,ego and superego,and his fantasy world is a result of self-defense mechanism.     

Four Mice

Once upon a time,there were four mice(老鼠)that lived in a wall in the field. Summer was coming,and so the mice came out of the wall to collect (收集) berries,nuts,corns and straws.Everyone was working very hard,dayand night,except,Frederick. "Why aren't you working,Frederick?" his friends asked him."Oh,but Iam." Frederick told them."I'm collecting the sunshine for the cold,dark winter." A few days later his friends asked him again,"Why aren't you working,Frederick? "" Oh,but I am." Frederick told them."Tm collecting colors for thelong,grey winter."     

愚蠢的问题

<正>[英语原文]Stupid Question Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city.Everyday, thousands of people passed his door,and a lot of them stopped and asked him,"What's the time, please?"After a few months, Dan said to himself,"I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here."Then he did so.     

STORIES ABOUT ANIMALS

A mouse and a lionOne day a mouse went out to find something to eat.He ran carelessly through some tall grass.He ran into a big lion.The lion caught him,held him tightly(紧紧地)and would not let him go."Please let me go,Mr Lion,"said the mouse."One day I will help you." The lion laughed and thought,how a little mouse could help a big lion!Then he said,"Very well,I will let you go.But you must walk more carefully." "Thank you,"the mouse said."You are very kind." The next week the mouse was again looking for something to eat.He saw the lion had fallen into a net of strong ropes.He could not move.The mouse cut one of the ropes with his teeth and then the other.Soon the     

Aladdin And The Wonderful Lamp

Mansur was a magician.He lived in Africa. He read in one of his magic books about a wonderful lamp hidden in a hole in the ground in China.Aladdin and his mother lived in China.They were very poor:They lived in a hut and often had not enough food to eat.One day Aladdin's mother said,"Go out into the field and get some flowers;we will sell the flowers and get money to buy food."So Aladdin went into a field to get flowers.Now the place where the lamp was hidden was in a hole in that field.     

五粒豌豆的故事

The shell burst,and the five peas rolled out into the bright sunshine.There they lay in a child's hand.The little boy said they were fine peas for his pea-shooter.And immediately he put one in and shot it out."Now I am flying out into the wide world," said the pea, "Catch me if you can," and he was gone in a moment."I," said the second, "want to fly straight to the sun." And went away."We will go to sleep wherever we find ourselves," said the two next, "We shall still be rolling onwards," They felt on the floor,and roll about before they go into the pea-shooter;but they were put in it. "We shall go farther than the others," said they."What is to happen will happen," said the last,as he was shot out of the pea-shooter;and as he spoke he flew up against an old board under a window of an old house,and fell into a little crevice.The moss closed round him,and there he lay.