Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>An EssayNow,children,said the teacher,I want you to write me an essay without a theme—just put down what is in you.Ten minutes later Jimmy handed in the following:In me there is a heart,a lung,and an appendix.And there is a stomach with two pieces of     

Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>The Dead Sea Teacher:Tom,what do you know about the Dead Sea?Tom:I didn’t even know when it was ill.死海教师:汤姆,你对死海都了解些什么?汤姆:死海生病时我都不知道。Bedtime Prayers Julie was saying her bedtime prayers.Please God,she said,Make Naples the capital of Italy.Make Naples the capital of Italy.Her mother interrupted and said,Julie,why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?And Julie replied,Because that’s what I put in my geography exam!睡前祷告词朱莉叶在做睡前祈祷。祷告上帝,她说,让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒     

Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>The Speaker An after-dinner speaker was talking on and on and on,boring everyone to tears.One of the guests,fighting to keep his drooping eyelids open,turned to the lady on his right and said,Can something be done to shut him up?If there is I’d like to know,said the lady,I’m his wife and I’ve been trying to shut him up for twenty years.讲演者一位晚餐后的讲演者说个没完没了,以至每个人都烦得哈欠连天。有一位客人使劲睁开他沉重的眼     

Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>Saved From Drowning An Englishman fell into a canal while walking along the towpath with his wife.He couldn’t swim,and he began yelling for help.A young lad who was fishing nearby immediately jumped into the water and saved him.The woman said,Thank you,little boy.You saved     

Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>I Was Ashamed One day,a thief went into a man’s house.The man saw the thief and hid himself in a chest.The thief ransacked the house without finding anything worth taking.In the end,he opened the chest and saw the man.Aha!the thief said,What are you doing inside the chest?     

Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>They Are Directly from America Mrs.Smith lived in London.One day she received some American dollars from her daughter who was working in New York.She went to a jewelry shop for a pair of earrings.At the counter,the salesman checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old woman impatient.At last she couldn’t wait anymore,uttering,Trust me,sir,and trust the American dollars.They are directly from America.直接从美国来的史密斯太太住在伦敦。一天她收到在美国     

Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>Keys?Kiss?A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table,he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler,the book,the pen and so on.The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when     

Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>我不是熊老布莱克先生喜欢猎熊。可是,他的视力已不太好。有几次,他没有射中熊,却差点射中人。因此,他的朋友跟他一起打猎时,总是格外小心。一天,一位年轻的朋友想跟他开个玩笑。这位朋友拿了一张白纸,在上面写了我不是熊几个大字。然后,他把这张纸系在背上就出发了。他的朋友看到这张纸     

Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>误会一天,一个不会说汉语的英国人来到中国,想在一家小商店买支钢笔。为了让人更容易明白他的意思,他只对商店的那位女售货员说了pen这个单词。可是她不懂英语。她以为那个英国人要买盆,于是就递给他一个盆。那个英国人回答说:No.这个单词的发音听上去像汉语中的漏,因此,女售货员告诉那个     

Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>Another Dirty Hand When Webster was young,he didn’t obey the rules at school.One day the teacher saw him breaking a rule and asked him to come forward to be punished.In that school,if a student breaks the rule,the teacher wil beat the open hand with a ruler.Webster’s hands were very dirty that day.On the way to the teacher’s desk he hid his hands behind his back.     

Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>Blood Circulation A teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation.Trying to make the matter clearer,he said,Now,students,if I stood on my head,the blood would run into it,and I should turn red in the face.Yes,sir,a boy said.Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?Another student shouted,it’s because your feet aren’t empty.血液循环     

Jokes and Humor集锦

<正>The Teacher’s Notation During a Christmas exam,one of the questions was,What causes a depression?One of the students wrote,God knows,I don’t know.Merry Christmas.The exam paper came back with teacher’s notation:God gets 100,you get zero.Happy New Year.老师的批语在圣诞节考试期间,有一个问题是:什么引起萧     

Jokes and Humor

家庭作业教师:我只能读通你的一篇作文,可另一篇实在是糟透了。学生:是的,老师——我妈妈的文采要比爸爸的好多了。