幽默三则

Who is cleverer “Mum,is mothermuch cleverer thanson?”“Yes.”“Who inventedthe electric lamp,then?”“Edison.”“Why didn'tEdison's mother invent theelectric lamp?”“...”     

幽默三则

飞机在公路上开日本是岛国,周围被大海环抱。故去日本,不是坐飞机从天上去,就得乘船从海上去。而美国官兵却声称他们去日本,都是从路上去的。一日本人问美国士兵:“这天连水,水连天的大海上哪儿有路?”美士兵答曰:“天皇的路自然是在天上,我们坐B29去贵国,走的都是裕仁公路。”采访史密斯美空军飞行员史密斯,奉命轰炸日本军用设施,不慎偏了方向,急欲返航。而此时,机上还有一枚炸弹没有投下。按美国军方规定,飞行员携弹返航是要受惩罚的。史密斯为避免惩罚,便将那枚炸弹随意往下一扔。没想到这一扔,竟击中了美军连日搜寻的日本秘密军用油库…     

幽默三则

我拿着钥匙呢约翰在他的朋友杰克后面高声地叫着:“嗨,杰克!有人把你的珠宝盒给偷走了。”杰克边笑边回答道:“不要紧,我拿着盒子上的钥匙呢。”只算现金和信用卡一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租,旅馆的工作人员回答说房租的多少取决于房间的大小和客人的人数。“小孩子算不算呢?”那人问道。“不算,先生。”服务员回答,“我们只算现金和信用卡。”他的书在哪儿?杰克:哦,你的书架可真漂亮呀!可为什么上面一本书也没有呢?约翰:是啊,以前我是有很多书,但是为买这个书架,我把书全卖了。I Have the KeyJohn called after his friend Jack,…     

幽默三则

A Drinker's SuccessA heavy drinker realized the harm done to him by wine and made up his mind to give up drinking. One day he went shopping in the town near his home. He was determined to come back home without even sipping(呷)a drop of wine. Shopping over, he passed by a wine shop. "Here is a place to test myself," he thought, and went away. He felt encouraged with this first success . He came to another wine shop, and did the same, bravely. He was very glad. Finally he came to his favorite wine shop near his house. He went into it and drank happily to celebrate his success in abstinence from wine(戒酒)all day.     

幽默三则

乱用成语一天,老师布置写作文,题目是《我的家》。小军这样写道:“我家有爸爸、妈妈和我三个人。每天早上一出门,我们就分道扬镳,各奔前程。晚上又殊途同归。     

幽默三则

I.You Will Save Much More "You'll be pleased with me today, mother, "Dick said to his mother, coming home from school. "I saved on fares.I didn't go to school by bus, I ran all the way after it."Well,"said his mother laughing,"Next time you should run after a taxi,you will save much more."     

幽默三则

理由老师:小明你为什么昨天不写数学作业?小明:老师,我妈妈病了。老师:妈妈病了与你不完成作业有什么关系?小明:我的数学作业都是妈妈帮我做的。     

幽默三则

猜字谜晚上,文文拿着第五期的《现代家教》猜书中的字谜。当看到‘黄昏重相逢’时,文文问:“爸爸,‘黄昏’是什么意思?”爸爸略加思索后说:“黄昏,就是皇帝结婚。”讲究实际老师家访时对老胡说:“请您     

幽默三则

语文老师发现张三上课睡觉,比较生气,于是弄醒张三问道:你怎么上课睡觉?可是,张三拒不承认睡觉。老师:那你干吗闭上眼睛?张三:老师,我在默念课文。老师不信,说:那你干吗直点头?张三:老师,你讲课讲得很好。老师还是不信,说:那你干吗直流口水?张三:老师,你的课讲得很有味道!一个战俘得了一种病,左手被截掉了。他请求敌人把他的左手送回他的祖国,对方很感动,就照做了。不久,他的右手也被截掉了,他再次请求将右手送回祖国,获得批准。再后来,他的左腿也被截掉了,当他要求把腿送回祖国时却遭到拒绝。战俘问:“为什么前两次可以,这次不行?”对方很…     

幽默三则

新发现 一个乡下人第一次到大城市旅游。他走进一座大楼，看见一个老太太迈步进了一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年轻漂亮的女模特。     

幽默三则

巴顿的家美国一代名将巴顿将军是一位典型的军人,他家里的布置和陈设也是准军事模式的。儿子的卧室挂有"男兵宿舍"的牌子,女儿的卧室写有"女兵宿舍"的字样,而厨房写着"食堂",客厅则写着"会议室"。有人猜想他们夫妻俩的卧室一定会挂上"司令部"的牌子,没想到却赫然写着"新兵培养中心"。     

幽默三则

我过去常和一个爱咕哩咕噜自言自语的妇女在一个办公室工作。一次,她盯着桌子上的一些东西问道:“如果一个人自己跟自己说话,打扰你吗?”“没关系,我不介意……”我开始回答道。她吃了一惊,抬起头说:“不关你的事!”1.Y ou K eep O ut O f T hisI used to share an office w ith a wom an who m um bled to herself.O netim e she w as staring at som e things on her desk and asked,“D oes itbother you if a person talks to herself?”“N o,I don t m ind...”I began toanswer.She startled and looked up,“Y ou keep outof …     

幽默三则

一个秃头的男人坐在理发店里。发型师问:我可以帮你做点什么吗?那个人说:我本来去做头发移植,但那实在太痛了。如果你能够让我的头发看起来像你的一样,而且没有任何痛苦,我将付给你5,000美元。没问题,发型师说,然后他很快剃了个光头。