幽默二则(英文)

I Save 20 Cents Less Bill is a doorman. He works in a factory, and he usually comes home at seven every evening. Last Friday he came back home very early, and he was very angry. He shut the door very hard, went into the living room and sat down. His wife…     

幽默二则(英文)

He WAnted Two Balloons The boy's clothing shop was giving away balloons to customers' chil- dren. One little fellow asked if he might have two.“Sorry,”the clerk said, “but we give only one balloon to each child. Do you have a brother at home?” The youngester was always truthful, but he wanted another balloon badly.“No,”he replied regretfully,“but my sister does, and I'd like one for him.”You Are Smarter Now “I want you to give me a pill to make me smarter,”the man told his docto…     

幽默二则(英文)

In a peace w ayX iao H ua cam e back hom e w ith the report card from school.H e saidto his father,“Y ou are a m em ber ofPeace Council,aren tyou?”“O f course.”“So I suggestw e solve som e quarrellings in a peace w ay,O k?I didn tdo wellin this exam .”M aking experim ent on the spotA salesm an visited a general. H e took out a suit of uniform andboasted of it.A tlast,he said,“This uniform can protect your body fromanything.”“Excellent! Putit on yourself.” Then the gerneralsaid …     

幽默二则(英文)

Main Entrance A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read"BEST- DEALS".     

幽默二则(英文)

Boss’s Idea When my printer’s type began to go faint,I called a repair shop.Afriendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings,he told me,itwould be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job my-     

幽默二则(英文)

★Teacher：Whocantellmethedifferencebetweenlighteningandelectricity？Student：Ican．Youdon＇thavetopayforlightening．★GenerationYap代沟My１５－year－old，Damian，listenedintentlytomeexplainthevaluesIlearnedasateen－ager，“Modestyistheguardianofchastity，”Isaid．Ifyoudress，speakandconductyourselfinamodestmanner，youwillbechaste．”“Youmeanbygirls？”herepliedwithenthusiasm．注：chasteadj．贞洁的，（思想，言论，尤其是性的节操）有道德，这里与chased（追赶）同音。幽默二则(英文)@周钦海…     

幽默二则(英文)

Extract Wisdom Teeth One day a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract a tooth.     

幽默二则(英文)

D on t T alk W hile Y ou E atTom s father never lets his child say anything when he is having hism eal.O nce,the father found the boy was anxious to tell him som ething,so he allowed the boy to speak.Tom asked,“Can the flies be eaten,D ad?”The father was surprised,“W hy do you ask m e such a silly ques-tion?”Tom answ ered,“There was a fly on your food,but...but...you havesw allowed it!”“O h...O h...W hy didn t you tellm e sooner?!”the father asked.Six W ild A nim alsTeahcer:Jack…     

幽默二则(英文)

Shut Your Mouth A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The follow ing exchange takes place....The man says,“Whats the problem ,officer?” Officer:Im going to give you a citation for notwearing your seatbelt. Man:Oh,I just took it off …     

幽默二则(英文)

DadIsFiveMissGreen:David,canyoutellmehowoldyourdadisthisyear?David:Dadisfiveyearsold.MissGreen:Fiveyearsold?Thinkitagain,David.Isn蒺tyourdadasyoungasyou?David:Yes.MydadhimselftoldmethathehadbeenafathersinceIwasborn.WellKnownFather:Chinese押50;maths押40;English押30.Areyoustillpleasedwiththem?Son:Dad,you蒺reknownforthat.Myteacherswanttoseeyou.心一刻幽默二则(英文)!广东@邓树权…     

幽默故事二则(英文)

老鹰和小鸡的故事一天,一个农夫在他的农田里发现了一只受伤的鹰。农夫一时不知所措,便把鹰带回了家,并且把它和自己养的小鸡放在了一起以确保鹰不受伤害。农夫把鹰和小鸡养在一起后,还每天给鹰喂食物,他精心照看受了伤的老鹰很长一段时间,直到老鹰的伤口开始慢慢地愈合。     

外国幽默(二则)

耳朵的功能心理医生替病人检查心理状况。他问病人:“倘若我切了你的左耳,你会怎样?”     

父子幽默(二则)

制怒儿子:“爸爸,我很容易激动,动不动就和同学们吵架,告诉我有什么克制的办法吗?”爸爸:“一旦你要发火时,先别说话,自己默默地数数,从一数到十,不行再数,数到三十,就不会发火了。”     

校园幽默(二则)

黄鹂自古就少星期天,学生李虎和刘龙到郊外柳林里游玩,李虎说:“这儿的树真多,可惜黄鹂太少了!”刘龙接过来说: “黄鹂自古就少嘛!”李虎问:“何以见得?”刘龙回答:“唐朝大诗人杜甫的诗中说过:‘两个黄鹂鸣翠柳’……”     

校园幽默(二则)

考试篇老师说:平时考是点心,百吃不厌;段考是正餐,定时定量;联考是满汉全席,一次就够。你们为什么不好好用功呢?学生说:报告老师,我们正在减肥!     

幽默(英文)

Taking a Taxi The old lady was going to take a taxi."Driver," she said, "I want you to take me to the station.""Yes, madam," said the driver.     

幽默(英文)

Ike：Myroofleaks．Mike：Whydontyoufixit？Ike：Canttoday，itspouringdownrain．Mike：Whydontyoufixitwhenitstopsraining？Ike：Becauseitdoesntleakthen．幽默(英文)@连琴     

幽默(英文)

Spend All Mr Black gave his wife money every Friday evening, but she always spent it before the next Wednesday, so that for the next three days she had none. Every Tuesday evening Mr Black asked her,     

Two humour(幽默二则)

A．ToShavetheFace———Howmanytimesdoyoushave（刮）thefaceaday？———Aboutfortyorfiftytimes．———Oh，somany．Aren＇tmad（疯的）？———No，it＇sOK．I＇mabarber（理发师）．B．Whatwillhap－penifthereisnosun？Son：＂Doestheearthturnroundthesun，Dad？＂Dad：＂Yes，itdoes．＂Son：＂Whatwillhappenthenif（如果）there＇snosunonthesky（天空）？＂Two humour(幽默二则)@肖运进…     

完形填空二则(英文)

(A) (W=Woman; D=Dave) W: Can I help you, please? D: Yes, I!d like something to drink. W: Would you __1__ a bag of milk? D: No, I don!t like milk. W: What about a cup __2__ coffee? D: No. I!d like a glass of water. W: Would you like something to eat, __3__…