A Fat Man and a Black Cat

<正>A man sat on a black cat and the black cat was squashed flat, for the man was a fat man."Oh, that fat man is a bad man,"said the black     

幽默故事

A Carol Roberts left school when she was seventeen and then thought,"What' going to happen now? I want to marry a nice young man and have some children,but no nice young men have asked me yet.Will I meet one soon,and will he want to marry me?" She spoke to her best friend about these questions,and the friend said,“Go and ask a fortune-teller (算命先生).Perhaps he'll give you the answer." So Carol went to see a fortune-teller.The man said to her,"I'll give you the answers to two questions.It'll cost you five pounds."     

READINGS

正It was a beautiful spring morning.There wasn't a cloud in the sky,and the sun was warm but not too hot,so Mr Green was surprised when he saw an old man at the bus stop with a big,strong black umbrella in his hand.Mr Green said to him,"Are you going to have rain today,do you think?""No,"said the old man,"I don't think so."Then are you carrying the umbrella to keep the sun off     

Humorous Stories

1.As the years turn 生日来临之际 For her 82nd birthday,I surprised my grandmother with a birthday greeting signed by the President.(Upon request,this service is available to seniors over 80.) When I asked grandma how she felt receiving a card from the White House,she had a ready answer."There's no privacy in this country anymore," she said."They even keep track of your birthday."     

运动场上乐翻天

1.Two baseball pitchers[投手] promised each other.If one of them died first,he would come back as a ghost to tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. Then one of them died and came back as a ghost and said,"I have some good news and some bad news." The other person said,"Tell me." So the ghost said,"The good news is that there is baseball in heaven,but the bad news is that you are pitching tomorrow."     

超级聪明豆(四)(英文)

Fast Food Question: Sally, George, and Frank were picking up their fast,food orders-a burger, a plate of fries, and a slice of pizza."Who ordered what?"asked the man at the counter. George said,"I didn't order the pizza."The boy who ordered the fries said, "Oh, I thought you did."That was all the man at the counter needed to know. Who got each order?     

三根头发

There once was a woman who woke up one moming,looked in the mirror,and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said,"I think I'll 1)braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up,looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.     

短文改错

A warm-heart nurse on her first day's work met a patient who had come to London like a traveler.She asked him if it was anything she could do for him.But he only waved his hands and said a few words she couldn't understand it. With a pleasant smile she asked him again and he just kept saying same words,but in a very low voice. Filling with pity for this man who had almost died so far away his native land,she rushed to the doctor     

名人与幽默（英文）

正AA philosopher(哲学家)who went to call on a sick friend was told at thedoor:"He is alreadydeparted(过世).""Well,tell him I called,"replied the philosopher.BSocrates(苏格拉底)had troubles in his marital(婚姻的)life.Out of ithe gave the youth a piece of advice:"If you get a good wife.you will becomevery happy;if you get a bad one,you will become a philosopher—and thatis good for every man."     

大野狼与小羊

Long time ago, there were a Mother Goat and two littie kids who llved in the forest. One day, Mother Goat was going shopping to the market. She said to her kids, "I have to go to the market. Remember, don't open the door for strangers, especially the big bad wolf that could eat you up! You can recognize him by his deeop voice and black feet."     

Funny Stories

"You are the first one !" One day,a man saw fisherman standing beside a lake with a mirror. "Excuse me,"he said."Could you tell me what are you doing?" "I'm fishing." "Fishing with a mirror?" the man asked. "Sure,it's my new interest," answered the fisherman. "Could you tell me how it works?" "Okay,but you will give me a hundred dollars." The man wanted to know the answer,so he gave the fisherman the money.The fisherman said,"First you aim (对准目标,瞄准) the mirror into the water,and when a fish goes by,you let the ray (光线) of the sun on its head.The fish is puzzled (感到迷惑不解) and then you catch it."     

STORIES

There was ice on the road,and the doctor’s car hit a tree and turned over three times.To his supprise,he was not hurt.He went out of the car and walked to the nearest house.He wanted totelephone the garage for help.The door was opened by one of his pa-tients."Oh,Doctor,"she said,"I have just telephoned you.You musthave a very fast car.You have got here so quickly.There has been avery bad accident outside.I saw it through the window.I’m sure thedriver will need your help."     

STORES

There was ice on the road,and the doctor's car hit a tree and turned over three times.To his supprise,he was not hurt.He went out of the car and walked to the nearest house.He wanted to telephone the garage for help.The door was opened by one of his patients."Oh,Doctor,"she said,"I have just telephoned you.You must have a very fast car.You have got here so quickly.There has been a very bad accident outside.I saw it through the window.I'm sure the driver will need your help."     

幽默(英文)

Taking a Taxi The old lady was going to take a taxi."Driver," she said, "I want you to take me to the station.""Yes, madam," said the driver.     

Life in Your Hand

Once there was a young man who asked a wise elder,"It is said that you can foretell1 things that happen in the future.     

一罐金子(英文)

Once a farmer was put in prison. Even though(即使)this farmer was in prison,he wasn't a bad man. He hadn't done anything wrong. At this time the king's men were collecting money. The king needed money so that he could fight wars and the people had to pay a lot of taxes(税). Now this farmer didn't have any money. He told this to the king's men. When they came to his house,he said,"I can't give you any money. I am such a poor man that I've hardly got enough to live."The king’s m en laughed. …     

STORIES

A David was a young man who worked in an office in a big city.He liked fishing very much,but did not often get a chance to go fishing. Then one summer he decided to have a holiday in a beautiful place in the mountains where there were a lot of streams."I will be able to have some good fishing there," he said to himself. The first morning after he arrived,he carried his fishing rod and walked to the nearest stream.He saw an old man standing beside the water,so he asked him whether it was a private (私人的) stream.The old man answered that it was not.Then he asked,"Well,then it won't be a crime (犯罪) if I catch some fish here,will it?"     

COMPREHENSION

(A) Donna Ashlock, a 14-year-old girl from America, was very sick. She had a bad heart. "Donna must have a new heart," said her doctors, "or she will die soon."     

完形填空实战练习

A Directions:For each blank in the following passage there are four words or p.hrases marked A,B,C,and D.Fill in each blank with the word or phrase that best fits the context. There was a very special teacher who made a far-reaching difference in my life. Fall,1959,the first day of class at Bethesda Chevy Chase High School was about to begin."Who,"I asked a senior,"is Mrs McNamara,my 10th grade English teacher?"He just(1)and said something about my being in(2).Soon,I understood what he meant.Mrs McNamara had a pattern of activity that she repeated again and again.We would have a literature reading     

THE SNAIL’S HOUSE

A snail looked for her house and met a bear.The bear wanted to eat her.Oh no!What could the snail do?Once upon a time there lived a beautiful snail.One day she lost(丢失)her house while she was playing.So she started a journey(旅程)to get her house back…On the way,she saw some beautiful flowers.Snail said,"What beautiful flowers!But my house is not here."She continued(继续)looking for her house."Hey!My house is over there!"Snail was very happy.But her house was