幽默故事

(A) A man always went to the same bar at the same time every day and asked fortwo glasses of beer.He drank them andthen asked for two more. One day the man behind the bar said     

幽默故事

书架 怀特:“啊!你有一个多么漂亮的书架呀,可惜上面一本书也没有!” 布朗:“是呀,以前我倒是有很多书、可是,为了买这个书架,我把书全卖了。” 忘记带笔 阿尔伯特:“老师,我忘带铅笔了,没法考试。” 老师:“阿尔伯特,你对士兵L战场不带枪怎么看?” 阿尔伯特:‘那他准是当官的!”幽默故事     

幽默故事

刁难雷诺说:“足球比赛我看得多啦,我懂得有关足球的一切知识。”约翰问:“是吗?那你告诉我,足球网有多少窟窿眼儿?”奇迹在一场激动人心的足球比赛中,一个球员左手的两个手指伤得很厉害。球赛结束后,他在回家途中,到一家诊所去治疗。“医生。”他万分焦急地问,“我的手治愈后,能不能弹钢琴啊?”“准行!”医生向他保证。“那还真是个奇迹,医生。我以前从来不会弹。”维持治安足球比赛开始前,场内负责维持治安的人对观众说:“诸位观众,请你们别向裁判员和球员扔瓶子,因为所有的瓶子都是可以退钱的。”还在下跌登山训练中,两名登山运动员中的…     

幽默故事

妄想一个妄想自己是老鼠的男人,终于获准从精神病院出院了。可是,他在医院出口处呆立不动,不敢出去。医生觉得很奇怪,问其原因。"因为那边有猫。" "但,你不是已经知道自己不是老鼠了吗?" "确实不错,但是猫不知道呀!"     

幽默故事

日光浴报上说经常日光浴可以保持体形健美。威胁你要是敢关掉电视,我马上就卧轨自杀! 打架三次一位美国友人回国,我请他谈谈感想。他说:“在你们这儿吃一餐饭,要打三次架。”他解释说:“一进餐厅,为了推让座位,主客就开始互相拉扯;接着上菜,主客又要你推我挡一番;最后为了付账,更会     

幽默故事

A man was walking in thepark with his dog,when he meta friend with her dog.The twobegan talking,and the dogs ranoff together. After a fewminutes,they became worried.“I wonder where Hannibalis,”he said.“I wonder where Cleopatrois,”she said.They went to look for theirdogs,but they couldn't findthem.Three days later,the mantelephoned his friend.“Did yourdog come home?”“Yes,”she replied.“How did you find it?”“I put an advertisement inthe newspaper,and I got it backthe nextday.Why do…     

幽默故事

My Roses Mrs Williams loved flowers and had a small but beautiful garden.In summer, her roses were always the best in her street. One summer afternoon her bell rang, and when she went to the front door, she saw a     

幽默故事

A Mr Leonard was twenty-three years old and very rich.He was not married and he lived in two rooms in a small house in a city.Every summer he went down to the sea for a holiday.He stayed in small,cheap hotels,but he always wanted to have a clean,tidy room.He hated dirty places. One summer a friend of his said,"Go to the Tower Hotel in Whitesea.I went there last year,and it was very nice and clean." So Mr Leonard went to the Tower Hotel in Whitesea.But there was a different manager that year.     

幽默故事

A Carol Roberts left school when she was seventeen and then thought,"What' going to happen now? I want to marry a nice young man and have some children,but no nice young men have asked me yet.Will I meet one soon,and will he want to marry me?" She spoke to her best friend about these questions,and the friend said,“Go and ask a fortune-teller (算命先生).Perhaps he'll give you the answer." So Carol went to see a fortune-teller.The man said to her,"I'll give you the answers to two questions.It'll cost you five pounds."     

幽默故事

①Juliewassayingherbed鄄timeprayers。“PleaseGod,”shesaid,“MakeNaplesthecapitalofItaly.MakeNaplesthecapitalofItaly.”Hermotherinterruptedandsaid,“Julie,whydoyouwantGodtomakeNaplesthecapitalofItaly?”AndJuliereplied,“Becausethat蒺swhatIputinmygeography①朱莉叶在做睡前祈祷。她说:“祷告上帝,让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”妈妈打断她说:“朱莉叶,你为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢?”朱莉叶回答说:“因为我在地理考卷上是这么写的。”②LIttleRobertaskedhis…     

幽默故事

一等兵从前有个一等兵,他在第一次世界大战期间服役时可谓尽心尽职。您别以为他是一个战争狂,他更喜欢待在家里,坐在屋前那棵椴木树下的长椅上养神。不过,那时他还得作为卡车司机在东部前线服役。有一天,他开着自己那辆带贝布顶篷的卡车艰难地行驶在沃尔豪前线那被融雪浸泡得异常泥泞的道路上。卡车已经两次陷进深深的泥浆之中。到了第三次,一等兵一直担心的事情终于发生了,汽车滑进泥坑直陷到车轴处。正在这时,随着一阵响亮的汽车喇叭声,一队轿车从右边驶过。看到这辆陷入困境的卡车,车队立即停了下来。一位身披红色佩带的将军从8辆汽车的…     

幽默故事

有一次林肯正在演讲,一个青年递给他一张纸条,林肯打开一看,上面只有两个字:"笨蛋"。林肯脸上掠过一抹不快,但他很快恢复平静,笑着对大家说:"本总统收到过许多匿     

幽默故事

（A） Nasreddin had ashed（棚屋）behind his house．It had no lights in it．One night he went out to the shed to get his ladder,and lost his ring there．He left the ladder．went out into the street and began to look around．     

幽默故事

守秘密罗斯福任美国总统前,曾在美国海军里担任要职。一天,一位朋友向罗斯福询问美国海军在加勒比海的一个小岛上建立潜艇基地的计划。罗斯福环顾四周后,压低声音问道:“您能保守秘密吗?”“当然能。”他的朋友回答。“那么,”罗斯福微笑着说,“我也能。”闹饥荒的原因一个大腹便便的富翁,在街头花园遇见正在散步的萧伯纳,便取笑说:“一见到你,我就知道世界上正在闹饥荒。”萧伯纳是个有名的瘦子,他听了富翁的话后,反唇相讥道:“一看到你这个样,我就找到了世界上正在闹饥荒的原因。”太阳的福气1933年2月,英国作家萧伯纳到中国游历,鲁迅、蔡…     

幽默故事

A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 rnph zone.     

幽默故事

交通事故目击证人一位中国学生在美国加州目睹了一起交通事故,由于好奇一直没有离开。警察来了以后问他知不知道事情的经过,he said:“one carcome,one cargo,two car peng peng,one cardie.”     

幽默故事

父亲的东西汤姆·霍德华十七岁的时候,长得和父亲一样高了,于是当他晚上和朋友一起出去时,就开始借父亲的衣服穿。