我不想走回家

正[英语原文]Tom is a very old man.After dinner,he likes walking in the street.And he goes to bed at seven o’clock.But tonight,a car stopped at his house.A policeman helps him get out.He tells Tom’s wife,"The old man couldn’t find his way in the street.He asked me to take him in the car."After the policeman leaves there,his wife asks,"Tom,you go to     

JOKES

(A) A man was buying a Rolls-Royce(劳斯莱斯汽车)and wanted to Pay cash,but he found he was2 pence(便士)short of the 1500 needed.Outside the car showroomshe saw a man selling newspapers,and he went out and asked him: "Could you lend me 2 pence?I want to buy a Rolls-Rovce." "Sure,"replied the man."But look--here'S 4 pence.Buy one forme as well."     

It's Dangerous for Me

A man always went to the same bar at the same time every day and asked for twoglasses of beer, He would drink them and then ask for two more. One day the barman asked him: “Why do you always ask for two glasses of beer? Why don’t you order one bigglass instead?”“Because I don’t like to drink alone”, the man answered.“I drink with myfriend.” But a few days later the man came in and asked for only one beer. “Oh, has your friend died?”asked the barman.     

Why Did the Young Man Buy Sixteen Cars?

A young man went to a car shop.He was wearing rubber boots(胶靴子)and a dirty jacket.And he needed a haircut badly.The young man looked at an expensive car carefully and then turned to speak tothe shopkeeper.“Howmuch is this car?”he asked.“One thousand two hundred and eighteen     

时间前介词的省略

Pat Hogan was traveling around the country in the car. One evening he was driving along a road and looking for a small hotel when he saw an old man at the side of the road. He stopped his car and said to the old man, “I want to go to the Sun Hotel. Do you know it?“     

In a Zoo

Tony was very poor and wanted to get a job. One day he read in a news-paper that a man was wanted to work in a zoo.“That will be wonderful,”he thought,“I like animals, and looking after them will be interesting.”So Tony went to the manager of the zoo and asked for the job.“You look     

Phone Dinner

One day, when I was at an airport waiting for my flight, I had to make a phone call. I looked around and found all the phones were busy. So I went to wait in line and stood there for a long time.The person talking on the phone was an old man and I could hear the conversation clearly. He was talking about his trip in this city. He said he was having a good time. He commented on(评论) the weather here and asked about the weather back there. While he was talking, he was eating a sandwich and drinking coffee.     

I''''ll Show You The Way

Pat Hogan was traveling around the country inthe car.One evening he was driving along a roadand looking for a small hotel when he saw an oldman at the side of the road.He stopped his carand said to the old man,“I want to go to the SunHotel.Do you know it?”     

完形填空齐齐看

(A) Yesterday evening,when I went to town 1my mother,we met a strange old man. It was raining 2and we had no umbrella.We were trying to3a taxi when he came up to us.He was carrying a nice umbrella and he said that he would give 4for only a pound.He had forgotten his wallet.He said he needed taxi to go back home.My mother didn't believe what he had said at first,and5 him a lot of questions.But she finally believed the man and gave him the pound.She was happy to6 a good umbrella for so little.However,the old man didn't get into a taxi.We walked7 him and found he went into a pub and bought himself a glass of 8with the pound.After he drank it,he 9~his hat and took up one of the many wet umbrellas there and went off with the new one.     

幽默二则(英文)

He WAnted Two Balloons The boy's clothing shop was giving away balloons to customers' chil- dren. One little fellow asked if he might have two.“Sorry,”the clerk said, “but we give only one balloon to each child. Do you have a brother at home?” The youngester was always truthful, but he wanted another balloon badly.“No,”he replied regretfully,“but my sister does, and I'd like one for him.”You Are Smarter Now “I want you to give me a pill to make me smarter,”the man told his docto…     

阅读理解精选

AA man went to buy a piece of meat.He askedthe butcher(屠夫 ) to tell him the way of cooking itbecause he didn't know how to cook meat.Thebutcher told him how to cook it.“But I can't remember your words,”the mansaid,“Will you please write your words down forme?”Thebutcher was a good man and he wrotehiswords down for the man.The man went homehappily with the meat in his hand and the note(便条 ) in his pocket.A dog saw the meat,jumped athim and took the meataway.The man stood there.He did…     

幽默故事

A Carol Roberts left school when she was seventeen and then thought,"What' going to happen now? I want to marry a nice young man and have some children,but no nice young men have asked me yet.Will I meet one soon,and will he want to marry me?" She spoke to her best friend about these questions,and the friend said,“Go and ask a fortune-teller (算命先生).Perhaps he'll give you the answer." So Carol went to see a fortune-teller.The man said to her,"I'll give you the answers to two questions.It'll cost you five pounds."     

SUNNY ENGLISH

Hi!各位“愚”兄“愚”妹!4月1日,每年一次骗人不犯法的日子又到了。你的亲朋好友很可能“愚你没商量”哦!我们只有“知己知彼”,才能提防别人的“玩弄”!呵呵,Sunny姐姐提醒各位注意了,本期的主题就是“幽默无处不在”。瞧!愚人节的“把戏”开始啦!A young man went to a mountain village for hisholiday.He stayed at a small hotel near a train station.Before going to bed,he went to the owner of the hoteland asked him:“Excuse me,sir.Will you please wakeme up at a quarter to five?I’m going to take the fiveo’clock…     

幽默与笑话(英文)

1. Still in the Same Cemetery A man asked an acquaintance how his wife was; then, suddenly re- membering that she had been dead, she blurted out, “Does she still live in the same cemetery?” 2. The Juice in the Downpour It had been a long, hot summer, and a Vermonter was mighty glad when the rain came. One day while it was raining, he was out on the pa- tio having breakfast. “It felt so good, ”he told a friend.“I just went ahead and ate in the downpour. The only trouble was that it too…     

What Man Did Mike Help?

趣味阅读理解 Mike, a sixteen-year-old young man, likes sports. Sohe's the strongest in his class. It was a summer evening. It was too hot for him tostay in the rooms. He went out to the river. On the bridgehe met some of his friends and they talked for a long timeuntil late at night. When he was passing through a darkand narrow street, he heard someone calling for help. Inthe moonlight he saw a big man fighting with a muchsmaller man.     

A Cheap Meal

1)A man went into a restaurant. He ordered all the most expensive dishes and ate them with great enjoyment.2)Then a small boy came into the restaurant and sat at the man's table.The waiter said to the man:“what would your little boy like,sir?”3)“Oh,just an ice cream.”the man said. Then he stood up and said to the waiter:“I'm just going out to buy a newspaper.”4)The boy had eaten ice cream,then he stood up and walked to the door.5)The waiter said:“Excuse me, but your father hasn't come…     

数数总是管用的吗？(英文)

A young man couldn’t sleep well every night. He was always worried. So he went to see the doctor. The doctolooked over him carefully, but there was nothing wrong with him. The doctor told him to count from one to ten againand again.“Keep doing it till you fall asleep.”the doctor said.A few days later, the young man came to the doctor again. But to his surprise, the doctor found the young man waeven worse than before.“Didn’t you do as what I told you?”the doctor asked.“Yes, I did,”he…     

A ＂Kind＂ Lawyer

One afternoon,a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine(大型的豪华轿车)when he saw two men eating grass by the road side.He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate(调查)."Why are you eating grass?"he asked one man."We don't have any money for food,"the poor man     

人物

A Sigmund Freud was a world-famous doctor of Vienna.He was also aman full of humour (幽默).Once,at his 70th birthday party,a friend asked Freud if he could put his work into several words."Well," said Freud,"We take the sick out of their thouble and return them to the common suffering."