幽默小品(八则)

<正> 分“8”妈妈:孩子,把8平均分成两份,是多少?儿子:您说的是上下分还是左右分?妈妈:这是什么意思?儿子:妈妈,如上下分等于0,左右分就等于3。您要说清楚,我才好给你答案啊!妈妈:……?     

幽默(英文)

Taking a Taxi The old lady was going to take a taxi."Driver," she said, "I want you to take me to the station.""Yes, madam," said the driver.     

幽默(英文)

Ike：Myroofleaks．Mike：Whydontyoufixit？Ike：Canttoday，itspouringdownrain．Mike：Whydontyoufixitwhenitstopsraining？Ike：Becauseitdoesntleakthen．幽默(英文)@连琴     

幽默(英文)

Spend All Mr Black gave his wife money every Friday evening, but she always spent it before the next Wednesday, so that for the next three days she had none. Every Tuesday evening Mr Black asked her,     

校园幽默(英文)

Ground Rules (基本原则)One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known for his droll (奇特的) sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class,he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring,so I don't mind if you look at     

幽默二则(英文)

I Save 20 Cents Less Bill is a doorman. He works in a factory, and he usually comes home at seven every evening. Last Friday he came back home very early, and he was very angry. He shut the door very hard, went into the living room and sat down. His wife…     

幽默集锦(英文)

Broken Engagement The soldier serving overseas, far from hom e was annoyed and upsetwhen his girl friend wrote breaking off their engagem ent and asking forher photograph back.H e w ent out and collected from his friends all the unwanted pho-tographs ofw …     

英语幽默(英文)

I, You and shePeter was a clever boy. On his first day at school, he learned three words: I, YOU and SHE. The teacher taught him how to make sentences with those words. The teacher said, “I, I am your teacher;(then pointing to a girl) she, she is your classmate; you, you are my student.”When Peter went home, his father asked him what he had learned at school. Peter said at once, “I, I am your teacher;(then pointing to his mother)she, she is your classmate;you, you are my student. ”H…     

小幽默(英文)

A man went tothe optician(配制眼镜的技师)to have hiseyes tested.The optician sat him down andshowed him a test chart(视力表).     

幽默二则(英文)

He WAnted Two Balloons The boy's clothing shop was giving away balloons to customers' chil- dren. One little fellow asked if he might have two.“Sorry,”the clerk said, “but we give only one balloon to each child. Do you have a brother at home?” The youngester was always truthful, but he wanted another balloon badly.“No,”he replied regretfully,“but my sister does, and I'd like one for him.”You Are Smarter Now “I want you to give me a pill to make me smarter,”the man told his docto…     

幽默笑话(英文)

Nasreddin put two big baskets of grapes on his donkey and went to market.At midday it was very hot,so he stopped in the shade of abig tree.     

幽默二则(英文)

Main Entrance A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read"BEST- DEALS".     

幽默一则(英文)

One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor.Shewas very afraid of m ice,so she ran out of the house,got in a taxi andwentdown to the shop.There she boughta m ouse-trap.The shopkeepersaid to her,“Putsom e cheese in it,and you w illsoon cat…     

小幽默(英文)

Imagination Several weeks after a young man had been hired,he was called into the personnel[人事部]director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asked, "when you applied for this job,you told us you had five years of     

小幽默(英文)

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink[水槽]. She suddenly noticed that her mother had sev eral strands[绺] of white hair sticking out in con- trast[形成对比] to her dark brown hair. She looked at her mother and asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."     

幽默互动(英文)

ice cream:凡荣登“翻译优胜榜”者,均可获得一份好礼!所以请参与者务必写清真实姓名、详细地址和邮政编码。Not So Easy The four-year-old was absolutely fascinated with his grandfather's false teeth．After staring trans- fixed whlie they were re-     

幽默笑话(英文)

When Mr Jones went to restaurant one day,he left his coat near the door.There was nothing in the pockets of the coat when he left it, so he was very surprised when he     

小幽默(英文)

TOO MANY QUESTIONSThere was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her.One time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible he gave a little chuckle (轻笑) and went back to what he was doing. After awhile he turned to her and asked “You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you? ”The lady replied “Of course I do it is the Bible. ”     

幽默小故事(英文)

MrGibsonwenttoaflightschool.Heinsistedonlearningtoflythatday.Asallplaneswerecurrently(近日)inuse,theowneragreedtoin鄄structhimonhowtopilotahelicopteralonebyradio.HeshowedMrGibsonhowtostartitandtaughthimthebasics(基本原则),thensenthimonhisway.AfterMrGibsonclimbed1,000feet,heradioedin(发无线电报).“I蒺mdoinggreat!Iloveit!Theviewissobeautiful,andI蒺mstartingtogetthehangof(掌握……的窍门)this.”Atanaltitudeof2,000feet,heradioedinagain,sayinghoweasyitwasbecomingtofly.Thehelicopterclimbedover3,…     

幽默精选(英文)

InaRestaurant1)Customer:Waiter,theresadeadbeetleinmysoup.Waiter:Yes,Sir,theyarenotverygoodswimmers.2)Customer:Waiter,theresaflyinmysoup.Waiter:Thatsallright,Sir,hewontdrinkmuch.3)Customer:Waiter,theresaflyswimminginmysoup.Waiter:Sowhatdoyouexpectmetodo,callalifeguard?4)Customer:Waiter,whatsthemeaningofthisflyinmyteacup?Waiter:Iwouldndknow,Sir,Imawaiter,notafortuneteller.InSamsHouse1)Dad:Yourteachersaysshefindsitsimpossibletoteachyouany-thing!Sam:ThatswhyIsayshesnogood!2)Dad:Sam,howc…