Five Little Evergreens

Five Little Evergreens outside in a row.The first one said,"Let's look at the snow."The second one said,"Oh-oh,it's getting cold."The third one said,"Chiristmas is coming so I'm told."The4fourth one said,"I hope someone decorates me."The fifth one said,"We'll just have to wait and see."Five Little Evergreens…     

开窗还是关窗?

Two women on a train werearguing. At last one of them calledthe conductor. She said, "If thiswindow is open, I will catch cold.And I' ll probably die."The other woman said, "But ifthis window is closed, I will havedifficulty breathing and I will die."A man had been listening to themall the time. He said he had an idea."First open the window. That willkill one," he said. "Next close it.That will kill the other. Then itwill be quiet."两个女人在火车上吵了起来。最后其中一个女人叫来了列车长。…     

运动场上乐翻天

1.Two baseball pitchers[投手] promised each other.If one of them died first,he would come back as a ghost to tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. Then one of them died and came back as a ghost and said,"I have some good news and some bad news." The other person said,"Tell me." So the ghost said,"The good news is that there is baseball in heaven,but the bad news is that you are pitching tomorrow."     

Humour

I Have the Right to Remain Silent我有权利保持沉默On the first day of an American class,the professor assigned five chapters on civil rights.The next day,he asked one of my classmates to name ten of those rights.When the student made no response,the professor said,"All right,name five."Still the student said nothing.Finally,the irritated professor begged,"Just name one right you have as a civilian."     

为什么这样晚来学校?(英文)

The teacher asked Tom:"Why did you come to school solate this morning?""Someone lost one yuan."Answered Tom."Oh,now I know,you helped him find the money,"the teacher said."No,I stood on the money untilthe person went away,"was Tom's reply.为什么这样晚来学     

五粒豌豆的故事

The shell burst,and the five peas rolled out into the bright sunshine.There they lay in a child's hand.The little boy said they were fine peas for his pea-shooter.And immediately he put one in and shot it out."Now I am flying out into the wide world," said the pea, "Catch me if you can," and he was gone in a moment."I," said the second, "want to fly straight to the sun." And went away."We will go to sleep wherever we find ourselves," said the two next, "We shall still be rolling onwards," They felt on the floor,and roll about before they go into the pea-shooter;but they were put in it. "We shall go farther than the others," said they."What is to happen will happen," said the last,as he was shot out of the pea-shooter;and as he spoke he flew up against an old board under a window of an old house,and fell into a little crevice.The moss closed round him,and there he lay.     

But your head isn''''t the right size!

Jack wanted to buy a hat, so he went into a hat shop and said to the assistant, "I 1 a hat, please."he said. "Can I try on 2 ?"Of course, sir,"the assistant answered and he 3 several hats for Jack.Jack 4 one by one but he didn't like__5of them. "This one is too big and this one doesn't 6 very nice and this one must be too cheap.     

STORIES ABOUT ANIMALS

A mouse and a lionOne day a mouse went out to find something to eat.He ran carelessly through some tall grass.He ran into a big lion.The lion caught him,held him tightly(紧紧地)and would not let him go."Please let me go,Mr Lion,"said the mouse."One day I will help you." The lion laughed and thought,how a little mouse could help a big lion!Then he said,"Very well,I will let you go.But you must walk more carefully." "Thank you,"the mouse said."You are very kind." The next week the mouse was again looking for something to eat.He saw the lion had fallen into a net of strong ropes.He could not move.The mouse cut one of the ropes with his teeth and then the other.Soon the     

沉默的声音

Four monks decided to meditate silently without speaking for two weeks.By nightfall on the first day,the candle began to flicker and then went out. I The first monk said, "Oh,no!The candle is out."The second monk said,"Aren't we not supposed to talk?" The third monk said, "Why must you two break the silence?"The fourth monk laughed and said, "Ha! I'm the only one who didn't speak."     

尴尬的(英文)

A woman was singing.One of the gueststurned to a man by his side and criticized(批评)the singer."What a terrible voice!"he said."Do youknow who she is ?""Yes."was the answer,"she is my wife.""Oh,I beg your pardon,"the man said."Of course her voice isn't bad.but the songis very bad.I wondered(想知道)who wrotethat awful(糟糕的)song?""I did,"was the answer.     

寓言（英文）

正The Duck and the Crane The Crane(鹤)invited theDuck to tea."So nice of youto ask me to come,"said the Duckto the Crane."No one invites me anywhere.""Entirely my pleasure,"said the Crane to the Duck,passing him a sugar bowl."Do you takesugar in your tea?""Yes,thank you,"said theDuck.He dumped(倒)half the into his cup,while spilling(撒出)the other half onthe floor.     

原创完形填空两篇

一求职经历"Everything happens for the best,"my mother said whenever I faced disappointment."If you can (1),one day something good will happen.And you'll realize that it wouldn't have happened if not for that(2) disappointment."     

快乐衫

Once upon a time and in a country a long way off, there was a king who was very ill. A famous doctor from another country said there was only one thing that could cure him."What is that?" said the king. "Whatever you want shall be brought for you."You must sleep for one night," said the     

幽默故事

A Carol Roberts left school when she was seventeen and then thought,"What' going to happen now? I want to marry a nice young man and have some children,but no nice young men have asked me yet.Will I meet one soon,and will he want to marry me?" She spoke to her best friend about these questions,and the friend said,“Go and ask a fortune-teller (算命先生).Perhaps he'll give you the answer." So Carol went to see a fortune-teller.The man said to her,"I'll give you the answers to two questions.It'll cost you five pounds."     

完形填空两则(英文)

A. SundayIt was Sunday. I never get up early _1_Sundays. I sometimes stay 2 until lunch time. Last Sunday I 3 very late. I looked 4 the window. It was dark outside. "What a day!" I thought. "It 5 a-gain." Just then the telephone 6.It wasmy aunt Lucy."I've just arrived 7 train," she said,"I am coming to 8 you." "But I'm still having breadfast."I said.     

STORIES

There was ice on the road,and the doctor’s car hit a tree and turned over three times.To his supprise,he was not hurt.He went out of the car and walked to the nearest house.He wanted totelephone the garage for help.The door was opened by one of his pa-tients."Oh,Doctor,"she said,"I have just telephoned you.You musthave a very fast car.You have got here so quickly.There has been avery bad accident outside.I saw it through the window.I’m sure thedriver will need your help."     

Old Jackel,New Jackel

"This blue jacket will fit*you,Iris,"said Mum.Iris looked at the jacket.It was her sister Dana’s old jacket."I don’t want that old thing,"said Iris."I want a new jacket.""But this is a good jacket,"said Mum."It will look good on you,Iris.*"Iris felt sad.She wanted a jacket just for her.Iris looked at the jacket.She wanted to make it special*.     

Why he Couldn't Leave

There was a meeting with a large number of people.At first the speaker was very interesting,but as time went on,he became very boring.Finally when he was through,there was only one man sitting in the large room. The speaker walked up to the man and said,"Thank you for hearing me out when all the others left the room.""Oh! Don’t mention it!"replied the man,"I cannot leave because I am the next speaker."     

均等规则

Cloud Rabbit (兔子克劳德) went to visit his cousin Whip (韦普) one spring morning. He said to Whip, "I have an idea. Each year we plant two gardens. This year we could get together and grow one big garden."Whip agreed and got out his new seed catalog(种子目录表). As he skipped through the pages, he said, "I want cabbages."Cloud smiled at his cousin. "How about carrot?""Wonderful." said Whip.     

Jokes and Humour

Good IntentionsOne day a boy came to his teacher and said: "Teacher, Pa wants to know if you like roast pig."I certainly do," said the teacher, "and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me."Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.Finally the teacher said to the boy: "I