ENGLISH JOKES

Theater manager： Madam, you may not take that dog into the theater. I＇m sorry it is not permitted （允许） 。     

ENGLISH JOKES

(A) A thief with a long record was brought before the judge. Judge: Have you ever stolen things? Thief: Oh, now and then (有时,偶尔) Judge: And where have you stolen these things? Thief: Oh, here and there (零零落落) Judge: Right. Lock him up, officer.     

ENGLISH JOKES

(A)Theater manager: Madam, you may not take that dog into the the-ater. I'm sorry it is not permitted (允许) .     

ENGLISH JOKES

(A)Ned:Why do you always wear two watches?Ted:I need to see how slow the other one is.(B)Passenger1:Excuse me,does this train stop at New Town?Passenger2:Yes,just watch me and get off one station beforeme.(C)Diner:Waiter,your finger is in my soup.Waiter:That's all right.It's so used to(惯常)the heat,I hardlynotice it.(D)Customer:I'd like to try on(试穿)that dress in the window(橱窗).Salesgirl:Sorry,madam,but you'll have to use the dressingroom(试衣间).(E)     

笑话(英文)

Family QuarrelThe young newly-weds(新婚夫妇)quarreled.At last she could bear (忍)it no longer and burst into tears(哭起来)."I don't want to have anything to do with you any more.I'm packimg up(收拾)my things and going off to mother.""Fine,my dear,"said the husband."Here are the travelling expenses(路费)"She counted the money and asked: "What about the money for the return ticket?"     

JOKES

First Question "I hear you have a boy in college.Is he going to become a doctor,an engineer,or a lawyer,perhaps?"     

JOKES

汤姆：彼得，你说过你只有一个弟弟，对吗？ 彼得：是的，没错。     

笑话集锦(英文)

(A)Woman at movies:If my hat prevents(妨碍)you from seeing the film,I'll remove it.Man:Please don't bother(麻烦).Your hat isfunnier than the film.     

JOKES

I was travelling in a bus yesterday. Sitting opposite me （在我对面 ） was a lady with a small child, and the little boy was crying bitterly.     

JOKES

(A) A man was buying a Rolls-Royce(劳斯莱斯汽车)and wanted to Pay cash,but he found he was2 pence(便士)short of the 1500 needed.Outside the car showroomshe saw a man selling newspapers,and he went out and asked him: "Could you lend me 2 pence?I want to buy a Rolls-Rovce." "Sure,"replied the man."But look--here'S 4 pence.Buy one forme as well."     

JOKES

A Mum:Harry,why are you crying? Harry:I've hurt my finger,Mum. Mum:When did you do that? Harry:Half an hour ago. Mum:I didn't hear you crying then. Harry:No,I thought you were out.     

JOKES

ATeacher： Why are you late for school？ Pupil ： It was late when I started from home. Teacher： Then why didn＇t you start early？ Pupil ： It was already too late to start early, sir.     

JOKES

Two very deaf ladies were travelling on top of an open bus. ＂Windy isn＇t it ？＂ asked one. ＂No,it isn＇t Wednesday, it＇s Thursday,＂ said the other. ＂Yes,I＇m thirsty, too. Let＇s get off and have a Coca-Cola.＂     

JOKES

A Little Tom:Grandma,I had an interesting dream last night. Grandma:Can you tell me what the dream was? Little Tom:No,grandma,you ask me while you know the answer because you were there then,too. B Patient:Is there anything serious with my trouble,Docter? Docter:Yes,very serious.Your illness is too serious to cure (治愈).Now tell me,please.Who do you want to see now before you die?